Does Anybody Give A Damn?

Are we not geeks?

2011-09-10T03:59:00.003-04:00

Inmate Had Condom Stuffed With 30 Items Crammed Up His Anus

2011-02-21T02:59:00.003-05:00

...Including:

* 1 cigarette

* 6 matches

* 1 flint

* 1 empty syringe with eraser over needle

* 1 lip balm container

* 1 condom

* 1 CVS receipt

* 1 paper coupon*

* And much, much, much, more!!!

Courtesy of our friends at The Smoking Gun.

Someone seriously needs to hip this guy to the reality that his poop chute is not a clown car.

That is all...

* Really?

Actually, I could use a bird like this.

2010-10-30T22:02:00.001-04:00

Bird Hunted To Near Extinction Due To Infuriating 'Fuck You' Call

I'm embarrassed for this young man.

2010-08-30T21:11:00.002-04:00

But whatever you do, don't...

This Old Whore House

2010-08-13T02:45:00.000-04:00

Try the triple dub!

2010-08-13T02:27:00.000-04:00

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

My Vagina Is What???

2010-07-21T15:25:00.000-04:00

I'm So Not Doing That.

2010-07-21T15:22:00.001-04:00

I Give It Two Snaps Up!!

2010-04-13T13:29:00.007-04:00

I always wanted one of these...

2010-03-19T20:57:00.004-04:00

The horn, I mean. Not the elderly Chinese woman.
But hey, it's all good.

And what the hell is she chewing on, anyway?

Someone is stealing your life.

2010-03-06T23:49:00.002-05:00

Ten years later, has anything really changed...?

I think I used to work here.

2010-02-17T23:04:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are looking for the BBC Documentary links I mentioned at the February 17 Montreal Knits gathering, here they are:

My Penis & Everyone Else's
The Perfect Vagina

N.B.: They're graphic, so if you're trying to dine on a plate of ziti while watching, you may want to look away or put the fork down.

Wait for it...

2010-02-14T02:37:00.001-05:00

"A Tribute to La'Taniana'Bo'Vanashrianiqualiquanice."

2010-01-13T15:23:00.002-05:00

My personal favorite: "Guuuuurrrrrrlllll..."

Runner up: "Elephanisha."

This is rife with stereotypes, wrong in so many ways...and utterly hilarious. Enjoy!

Oh.My.Goodness.

2009-12-03T00:03:00.001-05:00

Ex-Posed! Man Winds Up Nude On Facebook - Omaha News Story - KETV Omaha

2009-11-21T00:57:00.000-05:00

Ex-Posed! Man Winds Up Nude On Facebook - Omaha News Story - KETV Omaha

Make sure you check out the entire video, all the way to the end. And now, excuse me while I laugh uncontrollably. Thank you.

Whole lotta fisting goin' on...

2009-06-27T16:58:00.001-04:00

I likes. I likes.

A Fat Bitch Like Me Does NOT Need Competition!

2009-06-24T18:56:00.002-04:00

Say it, sista...

Dalida's New Bruthaz

2009-05-14T18:17:00.001-04:00

Najee is on the left, while Flavio is on the right.
Aren't they precious?

Ooooh-weee.

2009-05-05T20:24:00.001-04:00

'Tis a sad sad thing when the furries get it more than you do.

No Shame.

2009-04-15T16:43:00.001-04:00

It's worth squinting to read the rude subtitles. Enjoy!

The Countdown Begins...

2009-04-02T17:45:00.003-04:00

Re: Worst Commercial Ever - Reprised

2009-02-11T05:55:00.004-05:00

No Freaking Comment.

Ohmygawd...ohmygawd...ohmygawd...

2009-02-05T22:22:00.005-05:00

Personally, I don't recommend taking this so-called expert's advice. At all. Under any circumstance. No, really. Geez!

Mid-Winter Amusement

2009-01-22T19:29:00.001-05:00

...designed to create a certain 'warmth'...

Deep Social Commentary du jour...

2009-01-06T21:30:00.004-05:00

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly,
& many more...

We Rogues of Wool

2009-01-02T14:26:00.001-05:00

Referred to me by the Fabulous Erin Clark, consider this your New Years gift...and enjoy!

On the verge of taking a funky adventure...

2008-12-22T23:14:00.004-05:00

...into the abyss, which is otherwise known as Omaha, I post with a heavy heart. You see, the days of wine and roses are about to turn into those of flat beer and soda crackers. When I get where I am supposed to be, I'll post again. As for now, I have a hella lotta shit to stuff into a single suitcase (thanks for nothing, United!!)

As for my time icitte à Montréal, I was here for a good time, not a long time..and it went by much too fast.

Catch you on the flip side, my sistas.

- d.

A Friendly Reminder.

2008-11-03T23:03:00.002-05:00

Sarah Silverman is so awesome. She actually said Barack Obama is circum-super-sized. (I wish I'd thought of that!) And this time, she's right on target--so watch and learn!!

Is this supposed to be a surprise or something??

2008-10-26T15:46:00.002-04:00

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.

You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.

You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.

Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Sad but true...

2008-10-06T22:19:00.004-04:00

From the brilliant mind behind

ph33r and loathing.

Tony, Old School Locking Across The Floor (to Jimmy 'Bo' Horne).

2008-10-02T13:43:00.004-04:00

Simply brilliant.

In honor of 'Back to School'...

2008-09-11T16:27:00.003-04:00

See the horror of Science Fairs, kids going through 'that awkward phase,' and the mayhem that ensues with the misuse of Photo Shop courtesy of those wags at Something Awful.com

Escape from Omaha

2008-08-21T04:00:00.003-04:00

Please note: if you're looking for me, but can't find me, it's because I have run away back to a place where I can afford to be sick, and buy medicine for my various and sundry conditions. Until I'm re-established, I will have limited internet access, and may appear to have gone underground. That's only partially true...

If you're affiliated with Montreal Knits, brace yourself for my return!

If you're stuck out on the plains, it's been fun, but I had to save my own damn self. See you whenever. Meanwhile, stay tuned for developments as soon as I can post them.

One,
-d.

Update: State of the World

2008-08-13T00:41:00.003-04:00

Just when you thought it was safe to display oversized dog dung for the public to admire...

...shit happens.

Who needs the Olympics when you have this kind of thing happening all around you?

Profane West Indian Videos, Part II

2008-07-30T23:15:00.003-04:00

If you need a translation, ask a Jamaican (or e-mail me).
Proof of age required; restricted to those over the age of 18-ish).

Wait...one more thing:

2008-07-01T01:17:00.003-04:00

This is dedicated to any and everyone
who uses public transportation. Thank you.

No, I'm not dead (yet)

2008-06-30T19:59:00.010-04:00

I just blog as often as if I were. In the meantime, I have a few notes from the Land 'O Tornadoes that go like this:

This is not my house.

Knitting and severe weather go together well, but only if you have a roof.
The Mosquito festival continues!
Dead manatees on your neighbor's lawn are a terrible way to start the day.
I've really got to get-the-hell out of here, and I mean right damn now.
Tom Becka's voice sets my teeth on edge--especially when he's trying to be helpful.
Scott Vorhees seems kind of bitchy when he gets nervous.
Shopping at the Bellevue Wal-Mart on a Friday night remains a freak show. (Checking out is even worse).
Johnny Briceño is still hot.

That's all for now. More later. Stay tuned.

Why do I find this amusing?

2008-05-28T16:48:00.007-04:00

WTF?

It's actually rather tragic. While I in no way condone domestic violence of any sort, and I realize that sobriety is very difficult to maintain for an addict, the visualization of this guy doing what he's been accused of doing, all while naked to the world, brings a smile to my wrinkled, craggy old visage... An excerpt:

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- A convicted felon who became a motivational speaker -- and used his life experiences to warn teens about the dangers of drugs and crime -- is accused of going on a bender, threatening to kill his girlfriend and her son, and smashing a former prison buddy in the face with a statue of John Wayne .

Hey. It's the Midwest. Shit happens. In even stupider news, some poor schlub in Chi-town (not my town) was busted doing something which appears highly illicit in a Google Earth shot:

Oops.

And don't even think about trying to find it directly at Google Maps, because the notoriety of this entire mess has led to the image being removed. (That, or somebody threatened to bash in some heads over the unwanted publicity). It has caused me to think twice whenever I'm at say, a grocery store, or someplace in public, and have to scratch or adjust an undergarment. You really never do know who's watching, and worst of all, you could end up on some heinous blog that shows you 'keeping it real.'

Is nothing sacred? Obviously not. Big ups to Gadling for allowing me to rip off/link to this story.

Gotta run now...

Hoo boy...

2008-05-09T21:56:00.003-04:00

It's Tim Gunn's
Guide to Polygamist Style!

"featuring Mo Rocca"

Stuff I Like.

2008-05-03T21:47:00.016-04:00

First, I have to give a shout out to MaggieBelize from Ravelry, who graciously accepted my blind enquiry about life (and men) in Belize. It's great corresponding with another knitterista who is loves typing about the Central American/Caribbean nation. Speaking of Belize, it's time to post another pic of one of the many hot papis from my ¡caliente! file:

This is Orlando Habet
(and I wants me some of that)

Mr. Habet is the official head of chickens, (or some such title having to do with poultry). I know just looking at him has me ovulating. If I can still do that (hard to tell anymore).

I like this sock.

Meanwhile, I'm still knitting all manner of items, among which, I have an assload in my queue (so to speak). Earlier in the day, I came across this pattern called 'Fluke' as in, 'if I ever manage not to screw up lace, it'll be a real fluke.' I've included a photo of how they're supposed to look. Although I'm too demented and visually impared to knit lace, hope springs eternal, and I keep trying, just the same. When will I learn? Ms. Laurie Lee of SLC is the designer of this lovely pattern, by the way.

As to my escape from Corn Country, I imagine it'll be sometime in June. Some serious shit is going down in my world, and it's completely thrown a spanner in my works. The breaks, you know? Nevertheless, my refusal to acknowledge reality will keep me from completely giving in to adversity. I figure if it worked for Dan Quayle, it can work for me...

More to come. Meanwhile, enjoy the pretty pictures, and celebrate spring--even if it includes the occasional snowflake.

One,
- d.

Now, I'm Hyping My Cousin.

2008-04-27T03:58:00.006-04:00

Hey, Everybody!
Click On Over and Buy My Cousin's New CD.
(Go ahead...I'll wait).

Back? Okay, thanks. And be sure to tell your friends to buy a bunch of these, as well. You see, we had to listen to him practice for too many years, as he honed his musicianship--generally in the basement of my grandmother's house. She'd wake up and smell the unmistakable combination of Gonesh No. 7 (and weed) wafting up from downstairs, and see a light on, so she knew it was him 'getting in the groove' and stuff. Mostly, and stuff, but it's all good. He's done quite well for himself, even if we weren't always as supportive as we could have been. Nevertheless, he persevered, and is now a well-respected musician with a graduate degree (just in case).

That's all the hustling I plan to do for now. So, ciao for now, babes.

Yet another WTF moment...

2008-04-20T02:15:00.005-04:00

Plus, it's kind of knitting related--in a way. Funny how computers have so much in common with knitting, eh? Here's an excerpt:

"Our interactions with personal electronic devices provoke a broad range of emotional states from frustration to confusion to feverish obsession. Increasingly, these devices mediate our everyday work activities, our social network development and our personal communications... we propose a participatory installation that aims to bring critical awareness and consideration to the complex relationship between people and their technological artifacts. These 'Body-Technology Interfaces,' (BTIs) in the form of hand-knitted custom wrappers for personal electronic devices, will reflect salient interaction behaviors between the participant and their chosen device."

Courtesy of the geniuses at Geekologie. Dig it.

Would Someone Please Tell Elizabeth Hasselbeck To Shut The Fuck Up?!!

2008-04-16T23:56:00.005-04:00

Thank you..more to come.
Gotta go now--
Okay, bye.

More Man Candy (Now, with Socks!)

2008-03-29T21:35:00.006-04:00

I really need to put up something related to knitting so I don't lose my affiliation with the many groups who require me to do as such, however, I'm just not hyped to do it here. You see, I spend far too much time over at Ravelry, so I tend to lose the inspiration to post here--however, I do still knit stuff while watching the newscasts from Belize (a country I have never visited, nor do I know a soul who comes from there). Basically, I'm addicted because they have any number of incredibly hot politicians. I suspect more than a few of them to be corrupt as all hell, but since we'll never meet, I figure it's okay for me to ogle them for my own perimenopausal pleasure. This post offers is the following:

Mmmmm...yummy.

His name is Johnny Briceño. He's running for Party Leader of the People's United Party. It used to be cool, but lately, it's plagued by scandal and thievery from the very people they're supposed to be helping. Oh well. Shit happens. (For what it's worth, I don't think he's going to win--but he is fun to look at). I like hot papis with salt 'n pepper hair. Word.

Okay, here's the knitting...

Deceptively easy lace. Gotta love it.

Mother is waiting for me to put on my pants and take her to yet another ghastly pancake house for supper. Never mind that she's diabetic and has many heart problems. She wants to go out with a belly full of toxins (and who doesn't?), so I'll sign off for now.

Gotta go...

Disgusting Photo of the Day (for no apparent reason...)

2008-03-09T22:53:00.007-04:00

It's called "Sea Penis."

My understanding is that this dish from Korea is actually made from sea slugs, because hey--everybody knows the sea doesn't have a penis, let alone a big ol' bowl full
of 'em. Just between you and me, I'll stick with the kimchi.

I anxiously await your comments.

Yet another reason I don't drink beer.

2008-02-20T16:20:00.002-05:00

(North) America's Next Top Guinea Pig

2008-02-05T00:21:00.000-05:00

Featuring a 'Mardi Gras' theme, Dalida shows us her festive look.

Hope all this isn't too artsy for you. Suffice it to say, she's something of a diva, but I believe the camera displays her contemplative side. Originally, I had posed her with a nice King Cake, but she kept trying eat the Baby Jesus (as well as the cake itself). Oh well, these things happen, I suppose.

More to come, once we get the stains out of the comfy chair...

This Is Very Very Wrong.

2008-02-03T01:05:00.000-05:00

No wonder I can't stop laughing at it!

Too cold to type (and care).

2008-01-29T22:11:00.001-05:00

What is the deal with Jim Vokal's eyes? Does he have thyroid trouble or what??

Godfrey Smith, Minister of Tourism from Belize is straight up man-candy (Word.)

It's fucking cold as all get out up in here. Would somebody please light a furnace or something!?

Okay, bye.

Still Evil After All These Years.

2008-01-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

Your alter ego is Cruella De Ville!

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

You hurt little puppies and have bad hair...shame on you!

Ariel

75%

Cruella De Ville

75%

Peter Pan

69%

Donald Duck

63%

Sleeping Beauty

63%

Goofy

63%

Cinderella

44%

The Beast

38%

Pinocchio

38%

Snow White

31%

This quiz was stolen from Jeepchick, whom I had the pleasure of meeting Chez Borders in Papillion on Tuesday evening.

I'm so glad I took this test. Didn't you know, Evil is the new Black!

This Is What's Up (and its very, very, very graphic-intensive).

2007-12-11T21:05:00.000-05:00

Look, I've been busy, alright? When I wasn't trying to make a mad dash from the Wild (not Mild) Midwest (and the whole shootin' match--fo' real), I was trying to plan, knit, and complete a shitload of Christmas stuff. You see, I've decided to make most of the gifts I'm giving this year. (What in hell was I thinking??) Then there's the kitchen floor (a biohazard, to be sure). Needless to say, I'm happy to be back in the land where I can actually afford to get sick and buy my own damn meds. While I was away, my knitting friends have been busy little entrepreneurs, setting up shop(s), and making mad jack so they can knit even more!

What this means, is that I have even more public displays of knitting to project onto the Universe (or Multiverse)! This is most excellent, indeed. Here are a few scenes for you to enjoy:

A slightly exposed doll, knit by the fabulous Jennie L.

Say 'Hello' to Jennie's Little Friends!

Melanie modelling Mary J.'s Cinchy Hat

More Melanie featuring the faux-fireplace, and Miss Mary's Mac.

Mary & Jennie doing that bidness thang.

Now that you've seen the pics, here are the deets: most of these photos were shot at the brand-spankin' new location of Ariadne Knits, now sporting a brick-and-mortar shop, ready for you to buy lots and lots (and lots) of yarn! (Click on the link to get the addy, hours, and digits).

But wait, there's more...

The Lovely Robyn (aka Sako Koivu's No. 1 fan) has hung her cybershingle out with lots of yarn and notions for all you good (and bad) little girls and boys. She's got Mirasol and Colinette, and Noro and Claudia's Hand-Painted Sock Yarn, and more...Her joint is RobynsNest.ca so everybody Go! Visit! Buy!

All you toy freaks out there check out Montreal Knits Very Own Jennie L., who got her pattern, "Sally the Eco Fairy" published in the latest issue of Knitty. Her other creations (displayed above), can be purchased at the Ariadne Knits site. Not only is Jennie a talented designer of toys, she's a healer, and my family adviser of undergarments for 'Sistas of Substance,' if you get my meaning. (And I think you do). Now that's what I call multi-faceted. Can you dig it? (...I knew that you could).

That's about all for now. I'll post more when I bloody well feel like it. Now that I have a little more time to myself, I should be able to. I should, anyway. Okay...

Ciao, belli!

This Will Completely Blow Your Damn Mind.

2007-12-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought it was okay to come out from under the table...

Eternally (Infernally) Useful.

2007-11-21T00:50:00.000-05:00

Lovely, isn't it?

While I was in the family room chez funeraire, I saw a lovely wood casket waiting for its contents...It suddenly dawned on me that it'd make a great background to show off my second Clapotis, made from Koigu PPPM.

See? You can take it with you!

This would make a great surface for blocking.

This is the lid to a box that held a cremation container. After looking at it, I realize how useful it'd be for blocking a really long shawl. Regrettably, it's going to go back on the box for transport back to the crematory.

So much for recycling. Anyway, I dare Martha Stewart to come up with anything this clever, yet practical. So there.

the more things change...

2007-11-18T20:02:00.001-05:00

Compared to last year about this time:

Advocating Artist

Happy Hallowe'en, Y'all

2007-10-30T23:38:00.000-04:00

...Why?

If this beast shows up at your door, just give it plenty of lettuce. Preferably romaine.

Thank you.

Excessive Knitting Content, including brief nudity, but no display of genitalia.

2007-09-18T21:54:00.000-04:00

Mother as Pat Benatar

This was knitted after seeing the pattern by Mintyfresh on Ravelry.
I used Cotton Fleece, but it's designed as a way
to use up oddments of sock yarn
(and in my case, beads).
Please note, I have nothing to do with the faux-leopard print dress.

Mother Annoyed
with Kate, who is nude, without limbs or ears,
and resting on Mummy's shoulder.
Kind of makes her look like a light bulb, eh?

Posh Lucia Sock Yarn in the color 'Reassure.'
4-ply 70% merino, 30% cashmere, It's kind of stringy...
I don't think I like it.

I call this sock 'I Poop Corn.'
The name comes from this disgusting story that Ms. Violet's beloved,
'Sideshow Husband' told me.
I'd tell you myself, but I'm posting this too close to suppertime for all that.
(E-mail me for details).
The sock pattern, by Nancy Bush is from the Interweave Knits , Fall 2005 issue. It's cabled (and ribbed) for your pleasure. I'm using "Knit Picks Essential Tweed" in Inca Gold,
which is considerably softer than KP Essential without the Tweed.
I haven't washed it yet, so we'll see how it holds up.

After losing the strap somewhere in the abyss that is the kitchen,
I knit up another one using Lion Brand 'Incredible' Yarn.
This is done in seed stitch on size 6mm needles. Or 5.5mm.
I forget...

Dalida is the newest member of our family.
Although she's rather uh...'big boned,' she's actually still a baby.
Due to her coloring (she has a small swath of brown
on the left side behind her ear),
her street name is Lil' Skidz.
The good news is, she's only peed on me twice.
This too, has nothing to do with knitting,
but since I dearly love guinea pigs of all sizes,
here's a picture of a capybara relaxing at the Montreal Biodome.

I'll post more when I actually feel like it, and that may not be any time prior to mid-October. I'm supposed to attend a family reunion in Las Cruces, New Mexico of all places. When I return, I'll have lots of incriminating photos to post, no doubt. Following that, I hope to return to Montreal for the rest of the year, at least.

While I'm away, buy this book and knit everything in it.
It's fabulous. Seriously.

Okay, bye.

Surely You Can Do Better.

2007-09-10T20:10:00.001-04:00

Courtesy of our friends at Engrish.com

I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'. You feel me?

Lest you think this blog is turning into a personal tribute to male genitalia, I promise to post Actual Knitting Content soon.

For real.

This will really blow your...mind.

2007-08-29T04:49:00.000-04:00

So there I was, driving down the road, listening to 'As It Happens,' when I hear them talking about penises. Lots and lots of penises, in fact. Naturally, I turned up the volume, because normally, that kind of thing doesn't generally make the news. It turns out, they were doing a story about Sigurdur Hjartarson's Phallological Museum in Iceland. Hell, I didn't realize there was a Phallological Museum anywhere on the planet, but why not? Turns out they have specimens from most mammals, except for one, and I bet you can guess which one that is...I'd tell you more, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. Here's a link to the show (the story begins at 22:39, if you're in a big, big, big hurry). If you're like me, you probably want to read up on this, and you can, by simply following this link and/or this one.
They include fascinating bits of info such as, the legal standard (in Iceland) for penises, a definition of the ancient science that is Phallology, and a listing of current (a-HEM) members. And for those of you partying to a global vibe, they even have a site translation in Esperanto!

There are some really charming graphics, as well. It may not be safe for work (lest you work in urology), but straight up...You know you're going to check it out.

So go! Click!! Learn!!!

N.B.: This concludes the educational portion of this month's postings. I hope.

The best is yet to come...

2007-08-23T17:50:00.001-04:00

"The Most Fabulous Guinea Pig Ever."

The Sequel to PC

2007-08-20T02:45:00.001-04:00

Too Real.

2007-08-20T02:42:00.001-04:00

Not quite what you were expecting...?

2007-08-16T03:16:00.001-04:00

True Terror.

2007-07-25T17:42:00.000-04:00

....Eeeeww.

For those of you who were wishing for a post, deal with this visual. Can you Name the Celebrity Bunion? Here's a hint: 'manky slag.' Here's another one--her husband makes his living using his feet. I feel bad for their offspring..for so many reasons.

Meanwhile, here are a few items of note that have transpired since my last missive--it got hot as all hell again, the humidity continues to rise, I still have a headache (although it's far less severe), and after two-and-a-half months of PMS, menopause has once again gone dormant. I'm still starting countless knitting projects, and finishing very few (but it's a part of the process, you understand). Omaha remains unbearable, but scandalizing the locals keeps my brain from atrophying further. Tragically, it takes so little to upset them, that I require further challenges than this godforsaken pit of agricultural hell offers. Mais le plus ça change...

The good news is I got on Ravelry, and the corn here is freaking HUGE, but the bad news is I'm seriously addicted, and it doesn't digest so good.

Apply those any way you like. Time for more Excedrin. Peace!

Owieowieowieowieowie...

2007-07-17T02:44:00.000-04:00

I've been suffering through this migraine for over a-week-and-a-fucking-half now, and it's truly blowing my mind. It actually feels like my mind is literally blowing up inside my skull, to be precise, and none of my usual drugs are beating back the evil beast into submission. So, I spent last evening in the ER of the nearest hospital getting drugs shot into my system, in the hope it would be somewhat more effective.

After the buzz wore off, guess what? It wasn't.

Meanwhile, I'm swallowing fistfuls of analgesics so that at least the throbbing will cease. If I believed in Satan, I'd swear that the devil himself had crawled up and into my head, parked his troublemaking ass near my left eyeball, and begun to squeeze it for all he's worth, because the whole thing genuinely FEELS LIKE HELL.

Can you dig it? (I knew that you could).

But enough whining for now. Here are a few of the projects I've either finished or tried to finish up (when my vision returns for brief periods, anyway)...

You see, my stuff goes well with aging linoleum, concrete,
and/or really painful platforms. Cool, ain't it?

Most of the patterns are based upon those from Kate Atherley's 'Basic Ribbed Sock Pattern' because I don't feeling like thinking deeply when the weather is this shitty. The drugs aren't much help toward concentration, either. But the yarns used (from top to bottom) are as follows: Meilenweit Fantasy, Color No. 4830, Hill Country Sweet Feet in Purple Mountain, and Regia 4-Ply Canadian Color No. 4741 (aka Brazil). The one in the middle was knit using 2.5mm needles, while the others were made on 2.25mm. And I haven't a clue as to why Regia thought Brazil had fuck-all to do with Canadian Color. Whatever.

In addition, I whipped up the lovely Lutea Lace-Shoulder Shell from the latest Interweave Knits, which I chose to make using Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece in Salmon Berry Red from two (count-em!) dye lots. I don't care if anyone notices or not, because I'm in pain. So there. I'll post it when I get a proper pic of it to post.

But now, I'm sigining off, because all this mess is straining what's left of my eyesight.

Stay real!

Ya Think...?

2007-07-09T04:21:00.001-04:00

Indie Personality Test Results

63% Indie
Scoring highly suggests you are likely to be very liberal, independent minded, self identify as an outsider, shun materialism and popular culture, and have an aversion to organized religion. While high scorers are more intellectual than average, they are probably more artistically astute than intellectually avante garde (i.e. they are more likely to know of new interesting new bands/artists/writers than the best way to extract energy from a hydrogen atom. Low scorers, will generally tend towards the opposite of the above. They will tend to be more materialistic, conservative, corporate friendly, social and are more likely to be religious.

Take Free Indie Personality Test
by Indie Harbor.com

Filler.

2007-07-09T04:18:00.000-04:00

Which Godzilla movie monster are you?

You are: Mothra! You are emotional and deep in thought. You have strong opinions and care greatly about friends, family and issues concerning your environment and community. Mostly a peace lover, however when you have to, you kick ass with intelligence and strategy.
Take this quiz!

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Another one from the "Oh Wow" Dept.

2007-06-11T04:11:00.001-04:00

...uh, "no comment."

Socks 'n Death (featuring le maudit gazon...)

2007-06-05T16:16:00.000-04:00

"Meet the family."

As many of you know, the end of May is when we go on our annual 'Death Tour' in which we visit five cemeteries over two days in three states. This year's extravaganza included a wedding, and a lovely visit with relatives (live ones) with whom we rarely get to spend time.

Nothing says 'There's no place like home,'
quite like a rainbow in Kansas (in a cemetery, no less).

When I wasn't bent over with a fistful of garrish artificial flowers, I spent time finishing up a bunch of socks begun during my much too brief time in Montreal. I bought some lovely Opal Rainforest sock yarn in the Ladybug colorway from my knit-sistas at Ariadne Knits. I also bought some Soft Sea Wool, a delicious new sock yarn from Reynolds. Should I ever finish something with it, I'll be sure to post it. Meanwhile, dig this:

Something I actually finished.
Created and modelled by Yours Truly.

Proof that I actually completed both socks. Amazing!

Slipper socks featuring some heinous novelty yarn
and Knit Picks something-or-other from my stash.

My cousin Rachelle is gracious enough to accept my experiments in slipper-making. This f.o. demonstrates how serendipity led me to knit these screaming green numbers. It provided a great way to use up the loudest of novelty yarn that finds it way into your stash, not unlike a date with some reject you thought you found attractive at a low point in your life; (i.e. 'what-the-hell was I thinking?!)

This concludes the knitting portion of this blog, for now. (Mahalo!)

Guess Where I'm Trapped!

2007-06-02T14:06:00.000-04:00

...People in Nebraska are noticeably larger. Maybe it was just the buffet restaurant we went to - a smorgasbord featuring dozens of pastas, greasy foods and at least two types of brownies in a fantastic dessert bar - but it sure seems that eating in the Midwest is a serious pastime.

Read more gory details here.

Gotta go now.

Okay, bye.

Shout out to my Knittas in T-Dot

2007-05-24T03:08:00.001-04:00

Now THAT'S Completely Fucked.

2007-05-16T22:08:00.000-04:00

Why didn't somebody out there hook a sista up???!!

Suffice it to say, I'm highly perturbed by the results of last night's American Idol. Not only should Melinda be in the final, she definitely should have WON the entire thing--because she IS the best singer, period. What's more, she has the most polish of any of the contestants featured this season. I knew the fix was in for Jordin (she's young and cute, and all that which a pop princess is expected to be), but Blake? He's good, but da-a-a-a-a-m-m-m-m-n, he's no Melinda.

If Jordin doesn't go on to win the entire mess, I'll know The Evil Dick (Cheney) has rigged this shit, as well!

But I don't even smoke...(or think).

2007-05-11T21:42:00.000-04:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happiest shit ever.

2007-05-09T00:13:00.000-04:00

...Seriously!

Why do I find this so amusing...?

2007-05-01T18:51:00.000-04:00

The Landlord

I can't help it--but kids in little muu-muu's crack me up.

I stole it trom Tara.

2007-04-30T16:31:00.000-04:00

Go see what you can steal, too!

Fun with furry things (and more)!

2007-04-28T01:37:00.000-04:00

Here's another shot of Miss Pearl, who refuses to graze on these heinous furry-looking thongs I made for my Cousin Judy, in her special 'girl gang' colors. (I'm fairly certain her dog will use them as chew toys).
These are some socks I'm currently working on, which are made from Hill Country 'Sweet Feet' sock yarn. The colorway is called Purple Mountain, which is strange, because I've yet to see any mountains that are such a vivid shade of blue. I bought them from 'Discount Yarn Sale' on a whim, and the hand is so nice, I can't stop touching them! (Not to worry though, I'm still able to maintain my knitter's ADD).

Earlier in the week, I splurged and picked up some Colinette JitterBug in a colorway I think has got to be mislabelled. It claims to be 'Sahara' but it looks nothing at all like the photos of colorways I've seen on any number of sites. (I'll check again to see what-the-hell happened and let you know). While I really like the way Hill Country Yarn knits up, I have to say that the JitterBug is without question, the best sock yarn I've ever worked with in my entire life. Perhaps even longer. Like say, maybe a previous life. (Can't say for sure, since I believe that I was an amnesiac in all my previously lives). It hasn't fuzzed up at all, and it's so nicely plied, that even I haven't split the living daylights out of the yarn. When I quit fondling it, I'll take a picture and post it.

While I'm on the subject of fascinating projects 'whipped up' with yarn, I suggest you check out this link to a project from 'The Anticraft.' In particular, pay special attention to the dialogue between The Artiste and her mother, who wondered exactly what she was 'up to' so to speak, with her good sock yarn. 'Something to do with the Longhorns?!' Man, that's a good one...it just cracks me up!!

To close, the masses have requested that I re-post the URL for Miss Pearl's My Space page, so click on the hyperlink, and find yourself transformed to the mystical wonderland that is her virtual world...

Stay strange. I know I will.

Sanjaya Anthem

2007-04-19T19:17:00.001-04:00

By Popular Demand...

If I were any more laid back, I'd be dead.

2007-04-07T16:16:00.000-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

(It's supposed to be deep.)

Best.Hair.Ever.

2007-04-02T02:33:00.001-04:00

An oldie but goodie from the late great Rufus "Funky Chicken" Thomas! With a special appearance by the late Fred "Rerun" Berry from "What's Happenin' "!! Featuring a lady in an obscenely short dress tearin' it up!!! (She's somebody's grandma now, believe it or not...)

This is What's Up.

2007-03-25T23:35:00.000-04:00

Last week, I was circling the block looking for a parking space, and decided to impede what little traffic there was in Downtown Omaha by taking a few pictures...

Scenes from beautiful downtown Omaha...or,
(why the hell is there a buffalo stuck in that building?)

This concludes the 'stale destinations' portion of this post. Here's the knitting content part I've neglected as of late. For your review, are a few of my many, many, (many) knitting projects. Yours Truly is the model, as Mother has threatened me with legal action if I don't give the whole candid camera thing a rest.

The Never-Ending Sock
Pattern: Something or other from
"Knitting Vintage Socks" by Nancy Bush
Yarn: Lisa Souza Sock! in Mars Quake
Needle size: 2.5mm

The Boysenberry Waffle Sock
Pattern: I'm altering it as I go along.
Yarn: Koigu PPPM 'Glass of Cabernet'
Needle size: 2.75mm

Jaywalker Interrupted
Pattern: Grumperina's Masterpiece
Yarn: Koigu PPM
(I've temporarily misplaced the yarn band--my bad.)
Needle size: 2.5mm

Yarn: Misti Alpaca Hand Dyed Worsted
Pattern: Lion Brand Lace Beanie
Mood: Tense.

That is all.

Impromptu Interventions for the Bladder Control Impaired

2007-03-23T20:59:00.001-04:00

I can't even make this up. (But you can bet I tried...)

Beware the Ides of March (and men's crotches).

2007-03-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

According to studies, men stare at the naughty bits of baseball players, while women focus on the face. Although this is relevant of nothing in particular, you can learn the details about this right here.

I'll post knitting and/or sports content at a later date. Just be thankful I'm here to pass on all this valuable information, sans frais.

Now That I've Got Your Attention...

2007-03-09T03:03:00.000-05:00

Shouldn't it actually read 'hangin'?

This horrifying visual has nothing at all to do with the real message of this post. I uploaded it only to get your attention. (And since you're reading this now, it obviously worked). Miss Pearl, my beloved rodent, has recently unveiled her 'My Space' page to rave reviews, amassing a whole bunch of celebrity friends, some of whom are actually human!

But 'La Pearl' isn't one of those snobbish types who star trips. She's a true pig of the people, and would be happy to have you (yes, You) as a friend. Click here to see her page, and leave a comment. And be sure to check back early and often. She's a very popular pig indeed!

Weird, Cute, & Provocative

2007-03-05T02:05:00.000-05:00

...yet it has nothing to do with Britney. Who knew?? It's the:

Gansta Happy Feet Remix!

How Deep Is Your Soul?

2007-03-04T13:50:00.000-05:00

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.

Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.

You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.

Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.

In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.

Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.

You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I actually finished something (else).

2007-02-28T03:50:00.000-05:00

Crazy Sexy Crafty Cool.

I believe poverty is the mother of invention, not necessity. At best, necessity is a distant cousin. The kind you never hear from until they want to hit you up for jack. Anyway, I used both indigence and necessity to the fullest in creating this useful-yet-decorative row counter thang, that also serves as a stitch marker. Ain't it cute?

And speaking of cute...

Hey look! It's everybody's favorite model!!

This is another one of my FO's during the ongoing Winter of My Discontent. It's the Snowbaby Hat by Janine LeCras, knit up in Patons SWS in the lovely Natural Earth colorway. If you make it extra huge, you can see that it doubles as an eye shade, as well!

You may thank me later for airbrushing out my corn(s).

Finally, I have finished a pair of Pedicure Socks intended as a Christmas gift for my cousin Judy, who has been both patient and understanding of my incredibly scattered style of knitting. Okay, of everything is scattered to the max--but let's just stick to the subject at hand, shall we...? They were made with Sinfonia yarn, which I purchased on sale during one of my lost afternoons at Hobby Lobby. I'm still working on her Geisha Socks, but It's still looking good for Easter...

Th-th-th-th-th-th-at's all, Folks!

Hey look! More Stuff To Fold Up!

2007-02-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

Naturally, it's in Japanese. Just look at the nice pictures, and do like the guy in the video...

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

This Is My World. For Real.

2007-02-18T19:42:00.001-05:00

Can you identify?

Yeah, I've been knitting.

2007-02-12T01:31:00.000-05:00

And here's proof:

This sock is one of two I actually finished for my Close, Personal, Special Friend, E. He's back from Trinidad (and Tobago), so I guess I should actually give them to him. I mean, they are (were) supposed to be his one of his Christmas gifts, after all. But until then, I think I'll just break 'em in a little... They're made with Berocco Ultra Alpaca in Color No. 6281, Redwood Mix. The pattern is the basic, but oh-so-practical Thuja from Knitty.

This actually got finished in time for Christmas, so I gave it to my cousin Sammy. It's a simple sideways scarf, made with Noro Kureyon Color 51. He seemed to like it, so I don't think he realizes it was ridiculously simple to make.

I took a picture of this book while attending a Stitch & Bitch at Touché, because it reminded me of Mona. It would have been nice had someone reminded me to actually e-mail it to her, because I haven't actually done that yet. Hey, I'll get around to it (eventually...)

This vision of loveliness features Mummy modelling a hideously garish skinny scarf which I made from some yarn donated to me a few years back. I made it by freestyling garter stitch with sections of drop stitch every nine rows. I chose nine because its got a very spiritual vibe. Therefore, I think I'll give it to my cousin Nona the Numerologist. But first, I'll have to unwedge it off Mother's head before she wakes up...

Once again, we have Mother catching (more than) forty winks while sporting this warm-yet-stylish earflap hat. Pattern is from the Winter 2005 issue of Interweave Knits, "Cover Your Ears" freebie (it's a PDF file). The yarn is courtesy of our pals chez Lion Brand. Using Wool-Ease Thickie-Quickie in Claret (or whatever the hell they call it), I finished it in a few hours. And you know me, I knit slow as all get out.

By this time, our model was getting even tired-er of the grueling work required to model some of my knitwear creations. (This can happen when you decide to use senior citizens for this stuff). Anyhow, I used Bernat Berella "4" in Velvet Night (purchased during one of my many junkets to Rossy located in the glamourous Les Galleries Lachine) to make the ultra-sporty Fibre-Trends Basic Beret (Pattern AC-3). Just think--if you use natural fiber yarn that's not created from some mysterious chemical compound, it can actually keep part of your head warm! Why not give it a try yourself?

At this point, Our Model Was Really Getting Sick of That Annoying Flash interrupting her nap. Nevertheless, trooper that she is, she toughed it out by wearing-the-hell outta this Old-Fart-On-A-Golf-Course-inspired tam, knit with Cascade Pastaza in colors 84 and 69. (I just love that number!) The whole thing started out as Wendy Bernard's Last-Minute Purled Beret, but morphed into something slightly different when The Muses shoved me way off course (they do that a lot).

So there you have it. These are but a few of the items I've actually completed during the past few months. I'll post the others if I feel like it. Those of you who know me personally realize that time may not come any time soon, so those of you who don't probably shouldn't hold your breath(s), unless you want a cheap head rush. And if you do, there are probably better ways to get those, but you won't find out about it here...

Mahalo!

Birds do it, bees do it...even really horny rams do it.

2007-02-06T06:18:00.000-05:00

Then, one morning, I woke up
next to a horse, a hen, and an ear of corn—
that’s right, all the food groups.
And I was disgusted with myself. What was I, livestock?

And so I ran away, and I went wild.
I experimented with everyone and everything.
Bulls. Mules. Duck, duck, goose.
I found out exactly why they’re called the 3 Little Pigs...

These excerpts come from a brilliant piece, written by Mr. Paul Rudnick of the New Yorker. Read and learn.

In case you were wondering, this qualifies as official knitting content.

So Weird, Six Ways From Sunday.

2007-01-30T03:09:00.000-05:00

Six Weird Things About Yours Truly:
A meme passed along to me from K. of N.-D.-G.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I like furry guys.

2. One of my very first comfort meals is a sandwich I created at age four. It's made with two slices of burnt toast, slathered with grape jelly (not jam), and two pieces of crisp bacon, also burnt (but not beyond recognition). In order to keep my cholesterol in check, I chase it with a nice bowl of oatmeal. If you're feeling especially daring, add a fried egg to the mix, but make sure the yolk is nice and runny. I'm not down with hard yolks.

3. I have always loved writing research papers. I've never done it for money, nor have I done it for anyone else. You see, I use my powers for good, not evil.

4. My favorite time to knit is overnight, while buck nekkid, listening to the police scanner online. Many of you already know this. Those who don't really shouldn't be shocked. I believe it to be menopause-related--but I could be wrong...

5. I have a vaccination scar on my back, not my arm, as is the case with most people my age (and older). I'm told it was planned that way, but personally I think the medical personnel present may have lost their grip on me and I slipped during the procedure. Yeah. That's what I think.

6. I am fascinated by freaks of all kind, in every possible sense of the word.

I think this is the part where I tag other victims...so here goes: Minnie, Miss T. of Snarled Yarns, Caren, Lisa, the Urban Pagan Knitter, Mlle. Dulcedosa, and Dr. Puck, whom I haven't yet seen during my current exile...

Actually, there's one more thing that's not so weird in as much as it's just very forward of me to comment, but have any of you happened to see Mr. Pie Knits over at Jennifer of Pie Knits' site? He's really yummy looking (even if he doesn't appear to be all that furry). Hey, I can type that, without being considered some kind of cybertart, right?? I have no intention of acting upon it or anything, I'm just sayin'...

So Amazing.

2007-01-15T17:48:00.000-05:00

This picture of an overdressed guinea pig has nothing to do with an amazing way to fold t-shirts that's positively origasmic. Dig it.

Who the hell are these people?

2007-01-08T14:50:00.000-05:00

With the exceptions of Mme. Huppert and the Fabulous Nana Mouskouri, I haven't a clue who in hell who these people are. (Don't you hate it when you resemble celebrities that you haven't even heard of? I know I do). Okay, perhaps I have heard of a few others, but come on, Chester Bennington?? So much for facial recognition software...Looks like I seriously need to stay away from Malaysia, The Philippines, Japan, and hell--most of Asia lest I be mobbed by adoring, yet myopic fans...or political assassins. And Chester Bennington?? Wow. Who knew?

This is the best website ever...period!

2006-12-29T02:13:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!Recycling at its strangest

This is without a doubt one of the most bizarre craft sites I've ever seen. Coming from me, that has GOT to count for something. Naturally, I felt the need to share it with you. Make sure you check this out--it's so worth it.

(Thanks to my friend Susan for sharing this with me. She wants to make the gun. I guess her PMS is worse than mine...who knew?)

Merci mille fois, Shelley!

2006-12-19T03:40:00.000-05:00

I love imports!

See all the great loot I got from my Stitch Marker Swap partner Shelley? It's all wonderful, and I've already started using my goodies. Read all about Shelley's Country Variety Life, just outside Edmonton.

I love socks!

I finished another pair of socks, as you can see from my expert modelling above. The were made using Tara's Kona Superwash Merino in Goblin Elbow Blue. I had planned to give them to my Close, Personal, and Special Friend E., but they came out so nice, I think I'll keep them for myself. What's more, he's going to spend the holidays in Trinidad (and I don't mean Colorado...), so he'll have no need for socks until after the first of the year...right? (Besides, I've already knitted up another pair with his name on 'em, so to speak, so it's all good).

This, I can't even make up.

I'll close now with more bizarre photos of cute little animals. Click on the pics to see the site where it all originates...

Some of what you missed during Sunday's Montreal Knit Thang...

2006-12-10T21:55:00.000-05:00

For Emma:
Fun with police scanners & air traffic control

For Melanie: Click Here
(then click on the picture)

For the hell of it:
Why?

In addition, we discussed my overhanging epiglottis and tilted cervix, escaped mental patients from the Allen, why math sucks, cold goop used during an ultrasound, and places David Bowie has slept during his visits to Montréal. Then I talked about my felting frenzy, hopefully to be completed prior to Christmas (at this point, even Orthodox would be good). Surf over to Ms. Jennifer Tallapaneni's Pie Knits, and check out her pattern "Stella". (It's one my latest numerous UFOs).

Stick this in your ear.

2006-12-06T00:39:00.000-05:00

Click on the pretty picture and let it take you to a place that will blow your mind.

It's where I been hanging until Taylor's official CD is released, hopefully December 15.

And yes, I've been doing some knitting, as well--although ma vie sportif hasn't been going particualrly well lately. I made the error of attempting to knit during the Habs/Maple Leafs game during Saturday last's Hockey Night In Canada. Stitches were dropped, dpns were flung, and my nerves were shot. Big ups to Saku Koivu (not Koigu) for making the victory happen.

I have other photos, largely of seasonal UFOs, but I'm not hyped to post them right now. Keep checking back to see if I get over it.

Here's your Weird Animal Picture. Enjoy!

I will so not do this, Sam I. Am!!

2006-12-04T01:47:00.000-05:00

Let's begin with this, shall we?

Click here for even more highly inappropriate humor.

But wait...there's more!!

These are must reads--especially if you're a fan of the late, great, Dr. S.

Currently, I'm swamped with Seasonal Gift Knitting, and feel ever-so-grateful that any number of recipients know I'm late for absolutely everything, and may not get their stuff until post Orthodox Christmas. (It's the thought that counts, you understand)...

My medication is taking effect, so I'm going to turn in now. Stay tuned for more madness.

I'm Not In Recovery.

2006-11-21T23:21:00.000-05:00

¡Ay Papi!

You scored 83%.

Yes. You are addicted; you are a compulsive over knitter. Your stash and projects are the envy of many other knitters, but family members may be a bit tired of being asked their opinion about stitch patterns.

Evaluate your own situation: Click Here

In honor of all the knitters I know who have a bun in the oven, the photo of the penguins is dedicated especially to y'all. The best part is that the baby is peeking out of the daddy's pouch. (Why can't somebody make one of those for human fathers?)

Maybe I'll felt one up. (Get it? I made a funny!)