Filler.

Which Godzilla movie monster are you?

You are: Mothra! You are emotional and deep in thought. You have strong opinions and care greatly about friends, family and issues concerning your environment and community. Mostly a peace lover, however when you have to, you kick ass with intelligence and strategy. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Another one from the "Oh Wow" Dept.

...uh, "no comment."

Socks 'n Death (featuring le maudit gazon...)

"Meet the family."

As many of you know, the end of May is when we go on our annual 'Death Tour' in which we visit five cemeteries over two days in three states. This year's extravaganza included a wedding, and a lovely visit with relatives (live ones) with whom we rarely get to spend time.

Nothing says 'There's no place like home,'
quite like a rainbow in Kansas (in a cemetery, no less).

When I wasn't bent over with a fistful of garrish artificial flowers, I spent time finishing up a bunch of socks begun during my much too brief time in Montreal. I bought some lovely Opal Rainforest sock yarn in the Ladybug colorway from my knit-sistas at Ariadne Knits. I also bought some Soft Sea Wool, a delicious new sock yarn from Reynolds. Should I ever finish something with it, I'll be sure to post it. Meanwhile, dig this:

Something I actually finished.
Created and modelled by Yours Truly.

Proof that I actually completed both socks. Amazing!

Slipper socks featuring some heinous novelty yarn
and Knit Picks something-or-other from my stash.

My cousin Rachelle is gracious enough to accept my experiments in slipper-making. This f.o. demonstrates how serendipity led me to knit these screaming green numbers. It provided a great way to use up the loudest of novelty yarn that finds it way into your stash, not unlike a date with some reject you thought you found attractive at a low point in your life; (i.e. 'what-the-hell was I thinking?!)

This concludes the knitting portion of this blog, for now. (Mahalo!)

Guess Where I'm Trapped!

...People in Nebraska are noticeably larger. Maybe it was just the buffet restaurant we went to - a smorgasbord featuring dozens of pastas, greasy foods and at least two types of brownies in a fantastic dessert bar - but it sure seems that eating in the Midwest is a serious pastime.

Read more gory details here.

Gotta go now.

Okay, bye.

Shout out to my Knittas in T-Dot

Now THAT'S Completely Fucked.

Why didn't somebody out there hook a sista up???!!

Suffice it to say, I'm highly perturbed by the results of last night's American Idol. Not only should Melinda be in the final, she definitely should have WON the entire thing--because she IS the best singer, period. What's more, she has the most polish of any of the contestants featured this season. I knew the fix was in for Jordin (she's young and cute, and all that which a pop princess is expected to be), but Blake? He's good, but da-a-a-a-a-m-m-m-m-n, he's no Melinda.

If Jordin doesn't go on to win the entire mess, I'll know The Evil Dick (Cheney) has rigged this shit, as well!

But I don't even smoke...(or think).

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happiest shit ever.

...Seriously!

Why do I find this so amusing...?

I can't help it--but kids in little muu-muu's crack me up.

I stole it trom Tara.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking amidst the candy store, swinging a studded crowbar, cometh Deawn! And she gives a spectacular grunt: "I'm going to torment you so utterly, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Go see what you can steal, too!

Fun with furry things (and more)!

Here's another shot of Miss Pearl, who refuses to graze on these heinous furry-looking thongs I made for my Cousin Judy, in her special 'girl gang' colors. (I'm fairly certain her dog will use them as chew toys).
These are some socks I'm currently working on, which are made from Hill Country 'Sweet Feet' sock yarn. The colorway is called Purple Mountain, which is strange, because I've yet to see any mountains that are such a vivid shade of blue. I bought them from 'Discount Yarn Sale' on a whim, and the hand is so nice, I can't stop touching them! (Not to worry though, I'm still able to maintain my knitter's ADD).

Earlier in the week, I splurged and picked up some Colinette JitterBug in a colorway I think has got to be mislabelled. It claims to be 'Sahara' but it looks nothing at all like the photos of colorways I've seen on any number of sites. (I'll check again to see what-the-hell happened and let you know). While I really like the way Hill Country Yarn knits up, I have to say that the JitterBug is without question, the best sock yarn I've ever worked with in my entire life. Perhaps even longer. Like say, maybe a previous life. (Can't say for sure, since I believe that I was an amnesiac in all my previously lives). It hasn't fuzzed up at all, and it's so nicely plied, that even I haven't split the living daylights out of the yarn. When I quit fondling it, I'll take a picture and post it.

While I'm on the subject of fascinating projects 'whipped up' with yarn, I suggest you check out this link to a project from 'The Anticraft.' In particular, pay special attention to the dialogue between The Artiste and her mother, who wondered exactly what she was 'up to' so to speak, with her good sock yarn. 'Something to do with the Longhorns?!' Man, that's a good one...it just cracks me up!!

To close, the masses have requested that I re-post the URL for Miss Pearl's My Space page, so click on the hyperlink, and find yourself transformed to the mystical wonderland that is her virtual world...

Stay strange. I know I will.

Sanjaya Anthem

By Popular Demand...

If I were any more laid back, I'd be dead.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

(It's supposed to be deep.)

Best.Hair.Ever.

An oldie but goodie from the late great Rufus "Funky Chicken" Thomas! With a special appearance by the late Fred "Rerun" Berry from "What's Happenin' "!! Featuring a lady in an obscenely short dress tearin' it up!!! (She's somebody's grandma now, believe it or not...)

This is What's Up.

Last week, I was circling the block looking for a parking space, and decided to impede what little traffic there was in Downtown Omaha by taking a few pictures...

Scenes from beautiful downtown Omaha...or,
(why the hell is there a buffalo stuck in that building?)

This concludes the 'stale destinations' portion of this post. Here's the knitting content part I've neglected as of late. For your review, are a few of my many, many, (many) knitting projects. Yours Truly is the model, as Mother has threatened me with legal action if I don't give the whole candid camera thing a rest.

The Never-Ending Sock
Pattern: Something or other from
"Knitting Vintage Socks" by Nancy Bush
Yarn: Lisa Souza Sock! in Mars Quake
Needle size: 2.5mm

The Boysenberry Waffle Sock
Pattern: I'm altering it as I go along.
Yarn: Koigu PPPM 'Glass of Cabernet'
Needle size: 2.75mm

Jaywalker Interrupted
Pattern: Grumperina's Masterpiece
Yarn: Koigu PPM
(I've temporarily misplaced the yarn band--my bad.)
Needle size: 2.5mm

Yarn: Misti Alpaca Hand Dyed Worsted
Pattern: Lion Brand Lace Beanie
Mood: Tense.

That is all.

Impromptu Interventions for the Bladder Control Impaired

I can't even make this up. (But you can bet I tried...)

Beware the Ides of March (and men's crotches).

According to studies, men stare at the naughty bits of baseball players, while women focus on the face. Although this is relevant of nothing in particular, you can learn the details about this right here.

I'll post knitting and/or sports content at a later date. Just be thankful I'm here to pass on all this valuable information, sans frais.

Now That I've Got Your Attention...

Shouldn't it actually read 'hangin'?

This horrifying visual has nothing at all to do with the real message of this post. I uploaded it only to get your attention. (And since you're reading this now, it obviously worked). Miss Pearl, my beloved rodent, has recently unveiled her 'My Space' page to rave reviews, amassing a whole bunch of celebrity friends, some of whom are actually human!

But 'La Pearl' isn't one of those snobbish types who star trips. She's a true pig of the people, and would be happy to have you (yes, You) as a friend. Click here to see her page, and leave a comment. And be sure to check back early and often. She's a very popular pig indeed!

Weird, Cute, & Provocative

...yet it has nothing to do with Britney. Who knew?? It's the:

Gansta Happy Feet Remix!

How Deep Is Your Soul?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I actually finished something (else).

Crazy Sexy Crafty Cool.

I believe poverty is the mother of invention, not necessity. At best, necessity is a distant cousin. The kind you never hear from until they want to hit you up for jack. Anyway, I used both indigence and necessity to the fullest in creating this useful-yet-decorative row counter thang, that also serves as a stitch marker. Ain't it cute?

And speaking of cute...

Hey look! It's everybody's favorite model!!

This is another one of my FO's during the ongoing Winter of My Discontent. It's the Snowbaby Hat by Janine LeCras, knit up in Patons SWS in the lovely Natural Earth colorway. If you make it extra huge, you can see that it doubles as an eye shade, as well!

You may thank me later for airbrushing out my corn(s).

Finally, I have finished a pair of Pedicure Socks intended as a Christmas gift for my cousin Judy, who has been both patient and understanding of my incredibly scattered style of knitting. Okay, of everything is scattered to the max--but let's just stick to the subject at hand, shall we...? They were made with Sinfonia yarn, which I purchased on sale during one of my lost afternoons at Hobby Lobby. I'm still working on her Geisha Socks, but It's still looking good for Easter...

Th-th-th-th-th-th-at's all, Folks!

Hey look! More Stuff To Fold Up!

Naturally, it's in Japanese. Just look at the nice pictures, and do like the guy in the video...



The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

This Is My World. For Real.

Can you identify?

Yeah, I've been knitting.

And here's proof:

This sock is one of two I actually finished for my Close, Personal, Special Friend, E. He's back from Trinidad (and Tobago), so I guess I should actually give them to him. I mean, they are (were) supposed to be his one of his Christmas gifts, after all. But until then, I think I'll just break 'em in a little... They're made with Berocco Ultra Alpaca in Color No. 6281, Redwood Mix. The pattern is the basic, but oh-so-practical Thuja from Knitty.

This actually got finished in time for Christmas, so I gave it to my cousin Sammy. It's a simple sideways scarf, made with Noro Kureyon Color 51. He seemed to like it, so I don't think he realizes it was ridiculously simple to make.

I took a picture of this book while attending a Stitch & Bitch at Touché, because it reminded me of Mona. It would have been nice had someone reminded me to actually e-mail it to her, because I haven't actually done that yet. Hey, I'll get around to it (eventually...)

This vision of loveliness features Mummy modelling a hideously garish skinny scarf which I made from some yarn donated to me a few years back. I made it by freestyling garter stitch with sections of drop stitch every nine rows. I chose nine because its got a very spiritual vibe. Therefore, I think I'll give it to my cousin Nona the Numerologist. But first, I'll have to unwedge it off Mother's head before she wakes up...

Once again, we have Mother catching (more than) forty winks while sporting this warm-yet-stylish earflap hat. Pattern is from the Winter 2005 issue of Interweave Knits, "Cover Your Ears" freebie (it's a PDF file). The yarn is courtesy of our pals chez Lion Brand. Using Wool-Ease Thickie-Quickie in Claret (or whatever the hell they call it), I finished it in a few hours. And you know me, I knit slow as all get out.

By this time, our model was getting even tired-er of the grueling work required to model some of my knitwear creations. (This can happen when you decide to use senior citizens for this stuff). Anyhow, I used Bernat Berella "4" in Velvet Night (purchased during one of my many junkets to Rossy located in the glamourous Les Galleries Lachine) to make the ultra-sporty Fibre-Trends Basic Beret (Pattern AC-3). Just think--if you use natural fiber yarn that's not created from some mysterious chemical compound, it can actually keep part of your head warm! Why not give it a try yourself?

At this point, Our Model Was Really Getting Sick of That Annoying Flash interrupting her nap. Nevertheless, trooper that she is, she toughed it out by wearing-the-hell outta this Old-Fart-On-A-Golf-Course-inspired tam, knit with Cascade Pastaza in colors 84 and 69. (I just love that number!) The whole thing started out as Wendy Bernard's Last-Minute Purled Beret, but morphed into something slightly different when The Muses shoved me way off course (they do that a lot).

So there you have it. These are but a few of the items I've actually completed during the past few months. I'll post the others if I feel like it. Those of you who know me personally realize that time may not come any time soon, so those of you who don't probably shouldn't hold your breath(s), unless you want a cheap head rush. And if you do, there are probably better ways to get those, but you won't find out about it here...

Mahalo!

Birds do it, bees do it...even really horny rams do it.

Then, one morning, I woke up
next to a horse, a hen, and an ear of corn—
that’s right, all the food groups.
And I was disgusted with myself. What was I, livestock?

And so I ran away, and I went wild.
I experimented with everyone and everything.
Bulls. Mules. Duck, duck, goose.
I found out exactly why they’re called the 3 Little Pigs...

These excerpts come from a brilliant piece, written by Mr. Paul Rudnick of the New Yorker. Read and learn.

In case you were wondering, this qualifies as official knitting content.

So Weird, Six Ways From Sunday.

Six Weird Things About Yours Truly:
A meme passed along to me from K. of N.-D.-G.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I like furry guys.

2. One of my very first comfort meals is a sandwich I created at age four. It's made with two slices of burnt toast, slathered with grape jelly (not jam), and two pieces of crisp bacon, also burnt (but not beyond recognition). In order to keep my cholesterol in check, I chase it with a nice bowl of oatmeal. If you're feeling especially daring, add a fried egg to the mix, but make sure the yolk is nice and runny. I'm not down with hard yolks.

3. I have always loved writing research papers. I've never done it for money, nor have I done it for anyone else. You see, I use my powers for good, not evil.

4. My favorite time to knit is overnight, while buck nekkid, listening to the police scanner online. Many of you already know this. Those who don't really shouldn't be shocked. I believe it to be menopause-related--but I could be wrong...

5. I have a vaccination scar on my back, not my arm, as is the case with most people my age (and older). I'm told it was planned that way, but personally I think the medical personnel present may have lost their grip on me and I slipped during the procedure. Yeah. That's what I think.

6. I am fascinated by freaks of all kind, in every possible sense of the word.

I think this is the part where I tag other victims...so here goes: Minnie, Miss T. of Snarled Yarns, Caren, Lisa, the Urban Pagan Knitter, Mlle. Dulcedosa, and Dr. Puck, whom I haven't yet seen during my current exile...

Actually, there's one more thing that's not so weird in as much as it's just very forward of me to comment, but have any of you happened to see Mr. Pie Knits over at Jennifer of Pie Knits' site? He's really yummy looking (even if he doesn't appear to be all that furry). Hey, I can type that, without being considered some kind of cybertart, right?? I have no intention of acting upon it or anything, I'm just sayin'...

So Amazing.

This picture of an overdressed guinea pig has nothing to do with an amazing way to fold t-shirts that's positively origasmic. Dig it.

Who the hell are these people?

With the exceptions of Mme. Huppert and the Fabulous Nana Mouskouri, I haven't a clue who in hell who these people are. (Don't you hate it when you resemble celebrities that you haven't even heard of? I know I do). Okay, perhaps I have heard of a few others, but come on, Chester Bennington?? So much for facial recognition software...Looks like I seriously need to stay away from Malaysia, The Philippines, Japan, and hell--most of Asia lest I be mobbed by adoring, yet myopic fans...or political assassins. And Chester Bennington?? Wow. Who knew?

This is the best website ever...period!

Happy New Year!Recycling at its strangest

This is without a doubt one of the most bizarre craft sites I've ever seen. Coming from me, that has GOT to count for something. Naturally, I felt the need to share it with you. Make sure you check this out--it's so worth it.

(Thanks to my friend Susan for sharing this with me. She wants to make the gun. I guess her PMS is worse than mine...who knew?)

Merci mille fois, Shelley!

I love imports!

See all the great loot I got from my Stitch Marker Swap partner Shelley? It's all wonderful, and I've already started using my goodies. Read all about Shelley's Country Variety Life, just outside Edmonton.

I love socks!

I finished another pair of socks, as you can see from my expert modelling above. The were made using Tara's Kona Superwash Merino in Goblin Elbow Blue. I had planned to give them to my Close, Personal, and Special Friend E., but they came out so nice, I think I'll keep them for myself. What's more, he's going to spend the holidays in Trinidad (and I don't mean Colorado...), so he'll have no need for socks until after the first of the year...right? (Besides, I've already knitted up another pair with his name on 'em, so to speak, so it's all good).

This, I can't even make up.

I'll close now with more bizarre photos of cute little animals. Click on the pics to see the site where it all originates...

Some of what you missed during Sunday's Montreal Knit Thang...

For Emma:
Fun with police scanners & air traffic control

For Melanie: Click Here
(then click on the picture)

For the hell of it:
Why?

In addition, we discussed my overhanging epiglottis and tilted cervix, escaped mental patients from the Allen, why math sucks, cold goop used during an ultrasound, and places David Bowie has slept during his visits to Montréal. Then I talked about my felting frenzy, hopefully to be completed prior to Christmas (at this point, even Orthodox would be good). Surf over to Ms. Jennifer Tallapaneni's Pie Knits, and check out her pattern "Stella". (It's one my latest numerous UFOs).

Stick this in your ear.

Click on the pretty picture and let it take you to a place that will blow your mind.

It's where I been hanging until Taylor's official CD is released, hopefully December 15.

And yes, I've been doing some knitting, as well--although ma vie sportif hasn't been going particualrly well lately. I made the error of attempting to knit during the Habs/Maple Leafs game during Saturday last's Hockey Night In Canada. Stitches were dropped, dpns were flung, and my nerves were shot. Big ups to Saku Koivu (not Koigu) for making the victory happen.

I have other photos, largely of seasonal UFOs, but I'm not hyped to post them right now. Keep checking back to see if I get over it.

Here's your Weird Animal Picture. Enjoy!

I will so not do this, Sam I. Am!!

Let's begin with this, shall we?

Click here for even more highly inappropriate humor.

But wait...there's more!!

These are must reads--especially if you're a fan of the late, great, Dr. S.

Currently, I'm swamped with Seasonal Gift Knitting, and feel ever-so-grateful that any number of recipients know I'm late for absolutely everything, and may not get their stuff until post Orthodox Christmas. (It's the thought that counts, you understand)...

My medication is taking effect, so I'm going to turn in now. Stay tuned for more madness.

I'm Not In Recovery.

¡Ay Papi!

You scored 83%.

Yes. You are addicted; you are a compulsive over knitter. Your stash and projects are the envy of many other knitters, but family members may be a bit tired of being asked their opinion about stitch patterns.

Evaluate your own situation: Click Here

In honor of all the knitters I know who have a bun in the oven, the photo of the penguins is dedicated especially to y'all. The best part is that the baby is peeking out of the daddy's pouch. (Why can't somebody make one of those for human fathers?)

Maybe I'll felt one up. (Get it? I made a funny!)

Geeked. To the utmost.

That's all I can say. For the first time in like--weeks, I'm speechless. You see, I've experienced so very much recently, it's blowing my mind. Truly. See, I travelled, I got extremely queasy, I survived, I endured--and through it all, I knitted.

But wait...there's more!

I've had any number of brushes with greatness, of various kinds--so I haven't a clue where to begin (not that it's ever stopped me). So I'll just post in my usual freewheeling, rambling style...

First of all, Big-Enormous-HUGE-Ups to Minnie and Judith for contributing to Montreal Knits/CBC Montreal Radio Noon's Knit-Along for Dans La Rue. The squares received were lovingly assembled into some of the most fabulous blankets ever, (and in the case of Yours Truly, are still being assembled--but I never was one for speed). Ladies, should you wish to have your 15-minutes of fame, take pride in the fact that your notoriety will last much longer, and reach throughout the Universe (perhaps even the Cosmos) by way of this link to the CBC Radio Noon Website. Omaha gets an honorable mention, even if I damn near lost-my-effing-mind trying to get outta there. Many thanks to you for your contributions!

Kate & Mini-She (aka Tadpole)

Thursday evening, during one of Montreal Knit's Plateau Knitting Thangs, Chez Caféo, I got to meet even more knitters who came on board during my exile in The Land of Corn, and kick back with those whom I knew, but had lots of catching up to do. Kate (I-Design-Lots-Of-Cool-Shit-Not-Just-Clapotis) Gilbert brought Miss Tadpole along, so I got to hold her while discussing world events, hair care products, and her very cool toys. She has no fear, that one. Such a brave, strong girl! I'm so impressed--but it reminds me that I'm not mother material (unless the babies are covered with fur and eat their own poop). You know, guinea pigs. Anything higher maintenance than that would surely merit a visit from CPS. However, a magnificent time was had by all, even if Kate posted this horrid picture of me on her blog, which makes me look as grossly out-of-shape as I actually am. (Damn!) But then again, I'm all about free publicity, so maybe I can Photo Shop it out eventually...or not.

Jennifer (with the coolest sock ever) and Robyn (and her Unborn Future Knitter).

While it's true that I missed Rhinebeck, Friday last made up for it. I got to experience laughter, cameraderie, and a killer club sandwich courtesy of Mme. Yarn Harlot herself--Ms. Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, a whole mess o' Montreal Knitters, and Hurley's Irish Pub (in that order). It started with La Harlot's appearance at the McGill Bookstore, thanks to the People's Liberated Knitting Front of McGill University. She's a very entertaining speaker, who loves that you knit during her talk. In fact, she is exactly as you'd expect her to be after reading any of her books. Plus, she's like that after spending the evening with a bunch of starving/thirsty knitters who've had a few Guinnesses. (It was like we got an extra--yet not, because she's very real and truly down-to-earth). She waxes humourously about so many different elements of modern life, aside from knitting! It was just...you know, fun. Plus, she was kind enough to pose in a picture with me, and agreed to flash signs. Problem is, she noted that I look goofy as hell in the shot. She's right, I do. But I really believe the photo shows the true essence of our respective personalities...

Which is why I am not about to post it here. That, and I'm vain as hell. If you want to see it, e-mail me directly, and I'll consider sending you a copy. But only after you've signed the release. I can't have a messy Vanessa Williams-esque surprise pop out of the woodwork once the world recognizes me for the Shining Star I Truly Am (an' shit...)

Kadi is way more photogenic than I am. Damn her!!!

Meanwhile, I continue on my sock-knitting binge, as I attempt to mix in some Christmas gift projects. It's kind of tricky, because I basically live to procrastinate. You see, I'm blissfully non-goal oriented, unless you consider not setting goals to be a priority. This whole 'deadline thang' reminds me of my time at University (and all prior years of education) in which I put off absolutely everything possible until the very last fucking minute. Like when you have to get started on an extra-long, ultra-important paper, worth 216% of your grade, but oddly enough, the need to mop the kitchen floor simply can't be stifled. Sometimes, I'd make phone calls to people I didn't really want to talk to, (all in the name of putting off the inevitable). While I'm not inspired to take it to that degree, knitting that which should be knitted isn't something I'm hyped to do, right about now. But in a couple of weeks, no doubt I'll be frantic, and ready to get to the impossible. Because hey. That's how I roll. You feel me?

Guess I should stop typing the longest post I've made in the entire three years of this very blog, and get back to the knitting, before I put even my own ass to sleep. (Don't laugh. It's happened. Fo' real).

Now here's the weird animal photo that you've all come to expect.
One.