Strange but true...the beat goes on.

Mike the Headless Chicken

This is a highly inspirational story of a chicken that refused to die. It's also a story about a bunch of people living near Grand Junction, Colorado, with precious little to do in the springtime. To learn more, follow the link.

So lovely (and amazing).

Just when you thought I'd given up posting anything at all about knitting, I offer to you this masterpiece, created by Molly Ann, member of Montreal Knits, and Knitter Extraordinaire. This was so fabulous, I had to take a picture of both the shawl and the yarn used to create it.

I harbor no illusions that I will be able to ever, in my lifetime, create anything this intricate. But for those of you who can, and do--the yarn is AHS Slub Kasuri, from Ami-Ami in Color No. A-35.

N.B.: For those of you wondering about the outcome of my visit to the opthamologst Monday, don't ask. The news was not what I wanted to hear. Or see. Even in a fuzzy sense. And believe me, it was extremely fuzzy. The long and short of it is, there's a occular CT scan in my future. And yet another medical professional has taken my Naturally Enormous Eyeballs as a sign of underlying thyroid disease. Wonderful. (Don't hate me because my gland is bigger than yours...)

For the Do-It-Yourselfer In You

Self Portrait
2005

Made it here. Enjoy!

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Another craft idea gone horribly wrong.

One day I'm channel surfing and I come across this craft show on cable, and this lady is demonstrating how to make a "memory box" for Alzheimer patients using one of those cardboard boxes, copies of old photos of loved ones, and attaching them by means of découpage...

I found that idea to be incredibly cheesy, no matter how severe one's dementia.

So I decided to combine cheesy with tacky, then add a pinch of vulgarity. The result? A toilet seat with découpaged photos of family members, which I planned to award to some unsuspecting relative at our next family reunion.

Word of my creation got out, and I got deluged with requests to "please-baby-please, make sure you put my picture on the lid and not the seat!!!"

The whole thing got incredibly complex, and I never actually got around to finishing The Familial Throne. ...Tender mercies, indeed. Anyway, there are, no doubt, any number of disturbing ideas bouncing about in my disturbed little mind, and hopefully, I'll keep procrastinating long enough not to get any of them started. (We can all hope, anyway).

That's all for now. Bye.

Something useful (for a change).

Some people love the Ikea experience. Others of us love the Ikea experience, but compliment it with a mindless excusion through Dollarama. Here's a little secret: I'm one of those people. And I managed to create some very useful knitting markers with materials purchased at one of the junkiest retailers on earth. Most of the materials, anyway--the small-sized rings and little metal pieces actually came from some LYS and Zellers, yet another junky-assed store). The pliers and snipper thingy went for one dollar each, while I saw the identical items sold as a group at Hobby Lobby in the States for some insane price like $13 USD. Talk about profiteering--that's scandalous!!

My Instruments

The little metallic dealies attached to the rings are in actuality, wine glass charms. I didn't want you to think I'm some kind of lush because there seems to be this weird alcohol motif running through my tiny creations. The unexpected bonus comes from the bunch o' grapes design, as it sort of looks like the continent of Africa if you flip it over.

(Kind of...vaguely...'exactly' if you've been drinking hard).

Those who know me, know that I frequently knit with Enourmous Needles, because my vision sucks to fullest. I had problems finding yarn markers huge enough to fit, but found yet another solution courtesy of the Health & Beauty aisle at Dollarama. They came in a package of those tacky plastic bangle bracelets that the kids use to make themselves look even more slutty than they already do.

So please, don't say I never offered you any useful tips. M-Diddy would never lower herself to shop at Dollarama, Zellers, (or Ikea, for that matter), and therefore would never have come up with such a practical idea. I, on the other hand, couldn't care less. So, revel in my indifference, and embrace your inner cheapskate. And if you are hung-up that way, just lie if anyone asks where you got those magnificent place markers.

Now, That's Gross (The Saga Continues)

If you're eating, you so don't want to see the other end of this link. It's extraordinarily horrible. At the last Montreal Knits gathering, we were discussing feet (don't ask), and how most people don't really like the look of their own. Either that, or their simply indifferent. This photo shows the atrocity that is Katie Holmes' feet copied from that bastion of reliable journalism, Star Magazine. (The following visual provides an example of footwear to be avoided):

"These boots are made for hobblin' "

My beloved grandmother died at age 90, after having been an insulin-dependent diabetic for 21 years--even her feet never looked that vile. You think Ms. Holmes could get a toe transplant or something? Those gnarled stumps are really beyond the pale. Then again, human nature being what it is, you know you want to look...so go ahead.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Who Knew? (Reprise of the sequel).

I've been doing a lot of shrugs this summer because I hate the look of my upper arms, and don't feel they're appropriate for public display. On the other hand, I don't love being a sweaty mess while out and about, so shrugs with camisoles make for a suitable compromise. This one is adapted from the Interweave Knits Staff Shrug project (the Minimalist Ribbon Shrug, in particular).

The stitch is one I know well, having used it to make inumerable dishcloths. It can be reproduced by casting on an odd number of stitches, then garter stitching three rows. The fourth row is made by beginning the row K1. Next, K2tog, YO, and repeat until the last two remaining stitches, which are K2. Then you start over agan with the three rows of garter stitch, etc. Extremely simple, and the holes allow for rapid completion. Gotta love it.

the obligatory close-up.

This model displays the actual Minimalist Ribbon Shrug, as intended by its creator, Susan Sternlieb. It was made with Berocco Lullaby in Rockabye Blue, which is surprisingly soft, light, and airy. While I'm not always big on varigated yarn, this color palette goes nicely with jeans.

As always, I'm still working on a number of other projects, but am entirely too lazy to fish them out, set them up, and photograph them. So this is all you get (for now).

...Okay, bye.

Surely this can't be good.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

If you're not part of the solution...

...then you're not much different from the rest of us.
Dig it:

Thank you.

...Update...Update...Update...

Before & After...?

Susan's bag has been located! Best of all, none of the contents were damaged, and all the yarn (plus incidentals) were intact. The delivery was made before noon today, at her home in Ft. Worth.

Now everyone can breathe a sigh of relief, and anticipate future photos of the many creations which will result from her purchases.

Okay, I'm out. Ciao for now...

The fun never ends for Susan...

Susan, my childhood friend visiting from Texas, returned home yesterday, athough only one of her bags made it with her. Murphy's Law being what it is, the one with her considerable yarn stash (see photo), is somewhere between Philly and DFW. I hope that her stuff shows up soon, because there'll be hell to pay if it doesn't.

To further enhance her travel experience, she reported to me last evening, that her flight from Philly to DFW was crammed with kids who must have been attendees of an ADHD Convention. The fact that the 737 was stuck at the gate for over an hour (waiting for a push back, because the first truck broke, and they were supposedly waiting for baggage to arrive), added that much more to the ordeal.

The good news is, her psycho-kitty, Noriko was very happy to have her home. And so was her husband, Steve.

Check out his work on their website, "2 Geeks And A Cat" which showcases Steve's work (he even created the site), and includes bio's for the whole fam damily. Some of the info is a little outdated, but hey...they've been really busy the last few years. Really busy. (Don't ask. I get tired just explaining it!)

More news as it develops...

Yarn tripping to Vermont

The nice people at Kaleidoscope Yarns
pose with Susan (in the purple shirt).

Susan, my childhood friend who is visiting from Texas, had the brilliant idea to rent a vehicle, and take a day trip to Vermont, where we could buy even more yarn, as if we don't already have enough. We hit La Bobineuse on Monday, and Mouliné on the previous Friday, so movement in the living room was already rather restricted. Since there was still a tiny bit of space on the floor in the w.c. we decided to cross the border to get even more yarn. It was a delightful experience, and included a ferry ride, a scenic trip through the Lake Champlain Islands, and many many clams in Burlington. Susan said she greatly enjoyed herself on the trip. I greatly enjoyed the clams (as well as the mussels, scallops, crab, and everything else I consumed). Once we returned Chez Moi, we did more knitting. Although we dedicated Susan's visit to 'The Bunnies' (remind me to tell you all about that one), it seems we spent a lot of time eating and knitting, albeit not simultaneously...

My stash from Vermont.

View from the ferry
(featuring some guy on a bike).

My Tag Is Showing

Musically tagged, 2nd ed. - Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Total Volume of Music on My Computer:
15GB = 3,127 songs--at this writing, anyway.

What is the last music you acquired?
"Kem II" by Kem

Song Playing Right Now:
You mean like, in my head? Alrighty then...
"My Funny Valentine" by Carmen McRae

Five Songs I Listen to A Lot: (i.e. LIKE to listen to a lot)
1. "I Got It Bad" by Nina Simone
2. "Ribbon In The Sky" by Hiroshima
3. "I'm Not Afraid To Sing The Blues" by Diane Schuur
4. "Soon As I Get Home" by Lizz Wright
5. "Moonlight in Vermont" by Sara Vaughan

Passing on to 5 people:
You realize the term "passing on" has special significance for me...however, I will endeavour to comply:

Susan (a little something for your new blog, once it's up and running)
"Madelina" (of Madelina's Madhouse fame)
Lisa (the Urban Pagan of urbanpaganknits.blogspot.com)
Kadi (because we loved that story about your nephew, the mason jar, and the bunnies)
Lisa (my dear cousin, who is still trying to learn to cast on).

More revealing insight into "La Diva Loca"...

You Were Actually Born Under:

You are solid, methodical, and you do things right the first time. Even when no one else does, you always believe in yourself. You tend to see the world in black and white, right or wrong. A good memory and eye for details means you tend to thrive at near impossible tasks. You are most compatible with a Snake or Rooster.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

What Year Were You Born Under?

A light-hearted trip to the Dark Side.

This photo from 1965, has absolutely nothing at all to do with kntting. I just posted it because I thought it important to demonstrate to the world that I haven't always been this zaftig.

In my hand is a bottle of soap bubbles. The location is Los Angeles, California, following my first visit to Disneyland. The sausage roll atop my massive forehead was made courtesy of my mother, Shirley, The Glamour Queen.

A few weeks prior to her death, Ms. Dorothy Harris, close family friend who is, in effect, like family, gave this photo to me. She got it from her sister Olga, who had kept it all these years. (Olga passed away about a year and a half before Dorothy, so we got an opportunity to go through her old photos from the 'Roarin' Twenties.' )

During my recent Kansas Death Tour 2005, we visited and laid flowers at the graves of Olga, Dorothy, and the rest of her family. Nobody is left to do it for them, and since they've always been so generous to us through the years, we were happy to do it for them. While tending to their family plot, we learned a lot from the old timers who were at the Frankfort Cemetery to aid people like us, who needed assistance finding a grave, or a public washroom, etc.

One man of le troisième âge even remembered Dorothy and Olga's brother, Otis because his name was Otis, too. Another recalled Chet, the patriarch of the Harris family, helping out on his father's farm when the thresh machine broke down. (Chet was somewhat before my time, so I never had the pleasure). My favorite story was about my Great-Great Uncle Eddie, who was a bootlegger during prohibition. I remember him, because he would drive up to Omaha to visit his sister (my Great-Grandmother Anna) in his shiny red Cadillac convertible. (I always called it the Batmobile because of its immense tail fins). He would always bring rolls of Kennedy half-dollars directly from the mint, because he knew I had a coin collection. Uncle Eddie always reminded me of a black Leon Redbone. And he was the best whistler I ever heard in my whole life.

There are other bits and pieces stored in my memory, about friends and relatives who have been long gone from this earthy plane. More on our recent travels from the Kansas Death Tour 2005, (in which we covered six cemeteries in two days) will be posted once I get it all together . And that could take some time, so I thank you in advance for your patience.

I'd like to call out...

...that rude megabitch working for the TSA at Eppley Airfield who felt me up under the guise of 'security' prior to my flight Thursday. As if the entire farce that is the Transportation Security Administration and the insane number of hoops you demand of the travelling public aren't a big enough hassle for innocent people who just want to get on the fucking plane and sleep until it lands, the brutal attitude with which you addressed me leads me to believe you acquired your people skills from the DMV.

You, Ms. McCarty (Iinspector No. 76357), can kiss my ample, hail-damaged ass.

And I mean that in total sincerity.

Introducing Naya!

Naya's reaction to me was similar to that which I
elicit from most people upon first meeting.
It's alright...I'm used to it.

Yet another reason why I'm rarely asked to baby sit.

Good thing I didn't make another blanket!

In case you were wondering, no babies were permanently traumatized in the shooting of these photos. As for me, I'm not so sure. But Naya didn't seem too frightened by Pasha the Penguin, even if I scared the living bejezus out of her!

And for what it's worth, I was the only person to knit a worm and a penguin. So there.

A Very Important Matter

This link leads to a very important story and a very important cause. I recently lost my cousin Milton to metastatic cancer, and it's touched my immediate family twice. Suffice it to say, I support Julie Demole's efforts toward this cause, and encourage you to do the same.

But wait, there's more!

Véronik Avery, Knitting Designer of Note and All-Around Great Person has offered additional incentive for those making a contribution to the cause. Read about it here: Montreal Knits

So Happy To Be Here, Etc. Part II

My time here in "The Land That Time Forgot" is drawing to a close. (Well, in a few days, anyway). I managed to hit three of my favored LYS during my stay, and am happy to report that one of them has begun to carry Lorna's Laces. Of course, I didn't buy any, but I spent a little too much time feeling them up. (They're just so sensuous, doncha think?) I did purchase a lot of Katia Alba (no relation to Jessica), for a "thing" I'm creating to camouflage my middle-aged triceps, as well as some additional bamboo needles for the slipperier fibers I'll be working with. If nothing else, they'll make great holders for brochettes (believe it or not, all of them were smaller than Size 5-1/2mm). And hey--I can't wait until I get some new specs so I can actually see what the hell I'm doing! Quél fun!

Glenda of Touché phoned to say my long-awaited order of Lamb's Pride Bulky in Aubergine had arrived. Since I'm not known for my speed, the timing coincides nicely with my beginning some Christmas projects I'd like to felt. In fact, several more family members have come begging--I mean 'requesting' that I make them Bigass Felted Tote like the one I made for Mother, so I should probably get started on those. Glenda told me that she is quite knowledgeable with Véronik's work and is someone she'd like to meet one day. Unless she gets abducted by a rogue band of seed-cap wearing locals and dragged here by force, I don't think Véronik has any plans to do a Tour of the (Diseased and Enlarged) Heartland. Perhaps Glenda will make a visit North someday. If so, I invite her to crash at my place, as long as she doesn't mind sleeping in the same room with Fidel. He doesn't snore, but he does drink all night. Yet another example of his boorish behavior. But what's a mother to do?

My Kansas Death Tour 2005 was big fun, and was surprisingly delightful. I must get around to sharing the details with you very, very soon. I'd do it now, but it was such a good time, I have no idea where to start! As a preview of things to come, note that it included a midnight trip to IHOP, several games of UNO for Cheaters, friendly farmer ghosts with maps, soggy Chuck Taylors, visits to six cemeteries in two days, and surprisingly nice scenery (for Kansas) . Who knew?!

Gotta go now. A tornado watch has just been issued, and I have flowers to be planted before the swirling starts...

Easy Riders.

I like the idea behind this, but past experience in cycling tours tells me that more than a few people will be saddle sore at the end. (You feelin' me?)

Don't answer that. It was merely hypothetical.

More to follow...