No, I'm not dead (yet)

I just blog as often as if I were. In the meantime, I have a few notes from the Land 'O Tornadoes that go like this:

This is not my house.

• Knitting and severe weather go together well, but only if you have a roof.
• The Mosquito festival continues!
• Dead manatees on your neighbor's lawn are a terrible way to start the day.
• I've really got to get-the-hell out of here, and I mean right damn now.
  
• Tom Becka's voice sets my teeth on edge--especially when he's trying to be helpful.
• Scott Vorhees seems kind of bitchy when he gets nervous.
  
• Shopping at the Bellevue Wal-Mart on a Friday night remains a freak show. (Checking out is even worse).
• Johnny Briceño is still hot.

That's all for now. More later. Stay tuned.

Why do I find this amusing?

WTF?

It's actually rather tragic. While I in no way condone domestic violence of any sort, and I realize that sobriety is very difficult to maintain for an addict, the visualization of this guy doing what he's been accused of doing, all while naked to the world, brings a smile to my wrinkled, craggy old visage... An excerpt:

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- A convicted felon who became a motivational speaker -- and used his life experiences to warn teens about the dangers of drugs and crime -- is accused of going on a bender, threatening to kill his girlfriend and her son, and smashing a former prison buddy in the face with a statue of John Wayne.

Hey. It's the Midwest. Shit happens. In even stupider news, some poor schlub in Chi-town (not my town) was busted doing something which appears highly illicit in a Google Earth shot:

Oops.

And don't even think about trying to find it directly at Google Maps, because the notoriety of this entire mess has led to the image being removed. (That, or somebody threatened to bash in some heads over the unwanted publicity). It has caused me to think twice whenever I'm at say, a grocery store, or someplace in public, and have to scratch or adjust an undergarment. You really never do know who's watching, and worst of all, you could end up on some heinous blog that shows you 'keeping it real.'

Is nothing sacred? Obviously not. Big ups to Gadling for allowing me to rip off/link to this story.

Gotta run now...

Hoo boy...

It's Tim Gunn's
Guide to Polygamist Style!

"featuring Mo Rocca"

Stuff I Like.

First, I have to give a shout out to MaggieBelize from Ravelry, who graciously accepted my blind enquiry about life (and men) in Belize. It's great corresponding with another knitterista who is loves typing about the Central American/Caribbean nation. Speaking of Belize, it's time to post another pic of one of the many hot papis from my ¡caliente! file:

This is Orlando Habet
(and I wants me some of that)

Mr. Habet is the official head of chickens, (or some such title having to do with poultry). I know just looking at him has me ovulating. If I can still do that (hard to tell anymore).

I like this sock.

Meanwhile, I'm still knitting all manner of items, among which, I have an assload in my queue (so to speak). Earlier in the day, I came across this pattern called 'Fluke' as in, 'if I ever manage not to screw up lace, it'll be a real fluke.' I've included a photo of how they're supposed to look. Although I'm too demented and visually impared to knit lace, hope springs eternal, and I keep trying, just the same. When will I learn? Ms. Laurie Lee of SLC is the designer of this lovely pattern, by the way.

As to my escape from Corn Country, I imagine it'll be sometime in June. Some serious shit is going down in my world, and it's completely thrown a spanner in my works. The breaks, you know? Nevertheless, my refusal to acknowledge reality will keep me from completely giving in to adversity. I figure if it worked for Dan Quayle, it can work for me...

More to come. Meanwhile, enjoy the pretty pictures, and celebrate spring--even if it includes the occasional snowflake.

One,
- d.

Now, I'm Hyping My Cousin.

Hey, Everybody!
Click On Over and Buy My Cousin's New CD.
(Go ahead...I'll wait).

Back? Okay, thanks. And be sure to tell your friends to buy a bunch of these, as well. You see, we had to listen to him practice for too many years, as he honed his musicianship--generally in the basement of my grandmother's house. She'd wake up and smell the unmistakable combination of Gonesh No. 7 (and weed) wafting up from downstairs, and see a light on, so she knew it was him 'getting in the groove' and stuff. Mostly, and stuff, but it's all good. He's done quite well for himself, even if we weren't always as supportive as we could have been. Nevertheless, he persevered, and is now a well-respected musician with a graduate degree (just in case).

That's all the hustling I plan to do for now. So, ciao for now, babes.

Yet another WTF moment...

Plus, it's kind of knitting related--in a way. Funny how computers have so much in common with knitting, eh? Here's an excerpt:

"Our interactions with personal electronic devices provoke a broad range of emotional states from frustration to confusion to feverish obsession. Increasingly, these devices mediate our everyday work activities, our social network development and our personal communications... we propose a participatory installation that aims to bring critical awareness and consideration to the complex relationship between people and their technological artifacts. These 'Body-Technology Interfaces,' (BTIs) in the form of hand-knitted custom wrappers for personal electronic devices, will reflect salient interaction behaviors between the participant and their chosen device."

Courtesy of the geniuses at Geekologie. Dig it.

Would Someone Please Tell Elizabeth Hasselbeck To Shut The Fuck Up?!!

Thank you..more to come.
Gotta go now--
Okay, bye.

More Man Candy (Now, with Socks!)

I really need to put up something related to knitting so I don't lose my affiliation with the many groups who require me to do as such, however, I'm just not hyped to do it here. You see, I spend far too much time over at Ravelry, so I tend to lose the inspiration to post here--however, I do still knit stuff while watching the newscasts from Belize (a country I have never visited, nor do I know a soul who comes from there). Basically, I'm addicted because they have any number of incredibly hot politicians. I suspect more than a few of them to be corrupt as all hell, but since we'll never meet, I figure it's okay for me to ogle them for my own perimenopausal pleasure. This post offers is the following:

Mmmmm...yummy.

His name is Johnny Briceño. He's running for Party Leader of the People's United Party. It used to be cool, but lately, it's plagued by scandal and thievery from the very people they're supposed to be helping. Oh well. Shit happens. (For what it's worth, I don't think he's going to win--but he is fun to look at). I like hot papis with salt 'n pepper hair. Word.

Okay, here's the knitting...

Deceptively easy lace. Gotta love it.

Mother is waiting for me to put on my pants and take her to yet another ghastly pancake house for supper. Never mind that she's diabetic and has many heart problems. She wants to go out with a belly full of toxins (and who doesn't?), so I'll sign off for now.

Gotta go...

Disgusting Photo of the Day (for no apparent reason...)

It's called "Sea Penis."

My understanding is that this dish from Korea is actually made from sea slugs, because hey--everybody knows the sea doesn't have a penis, let alone a big ol' bowl full
of 'em. Just between you and me, I'll stick with the kimchi.

I anxiously await your comments.

Yet another reason I don't drink beer.

(North) America's Next Top Guinea Pig

Featuring a 'Mardi Gras' theme, Dalida shows us her festive look.

Hope all this isn't too artsy for you. Suffice it to say, she's something of a diva, but I believe the camera displays her contemplative side. Originally, I had posed her with a nice King Cake, but she kept trying eat the Baby Jesus (as well as the cake itself). Oh well, these things happen, I suppose.

More to come, once we get the stains out of the comfy chair...

This Is Very Very Wrong.

No wonder I can't stop laughing at it!

Too cold to type (and care).

What is the deal with Jim Vokal's eyes? Does he have thyroid trouble or what??

Godfrey Smith, Minister of Tourism from Belize is straight up man-candy (Word.)

It's fucking cold as all get out up in here. Would somebody please light a furnace or something!?

Okay, bye.

Still Evil After All These Years.

Your alter ego is Cruella De Ville!

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

You hurt little puppies and have bad hair...shame on you! Ariel 75% Cruella De Ville 75% Peter Pan 69% Donald Duck 63% Sleeping Beauty 63% Goofy 63% Cinderella 44% The Beast 38% Pinocchio 38% Snow White 31%

This quiz was stolen from Jeepchick, whom I had the pleasure of meeting Chez Borders in Papillion on Tuesday evening.

I'm so glad I took this test. Didn't you know, Evil is the new Black!

This Is What's Up (and its very, very, very graphic-intensive).

Look, I've been busy, alright? When I wasn't trying to make a mad dash from the Wild (not Mild) Midwest (and the whole shootin' match--fo' real), I was trying to plan, knit, and complete a shitload of Christmas stuff. You see, I've decided to make most of the gifts I'm giving this year. (What in hell was I thinking??) Then there's the kitchen floor (a biohazard, to be sure). Needless to say, I'm happy to be back in the land where I can actually afford to get sick and buy my own damn meds. While I was away, my knitting friends have been busy little entrepreneurs, setting up shop(s), and making mad jack so they can knit even more!

What this means, is that I have even more public displays of knitting to project onto the Universe (or Multiverse)! This is most excellent, indeed. Here are a few scenes for you to enjoy:

A slightly exposed doll, knit by the fabulous Jennie L.

Say 'Hello' to Jennie's Little Friends!

Melanie modelling Mary J.'s Cinchy Hat

More Melanie featuring the faux-fireplace, and Miss Mary's Mac.

Mary & Jennie doing that bidness thang.

Now that you've seen the pics, here are the deets: most of these photos were shot at the brand-spankin' new location of Ariadne Knits, now sporting a brick-and-mortar shop, ready for you to buy lots and lots (and lots) of yarn! (Click on the link to get the addy, hours, and digits).

But wait, there's more...

The Lovely Robyn (aka Sako Koivu's No. 1 fan) has hung her cybershingle out with lots of yarn and notions for all you good (and bad) little girls and boys. She's got Mirasol and Colinette, and Noro and Claudia's Hand-Painted Sock Yarn, and more...Her joint is RobynsNest.ca so everybody Go! Visit! Buy!

All you toy freaks out there check out Montreal Knits Very Own Jennie L., who got her pattern, "Sally the Eco Fairy" published in the latest issue of Knitty. Her other creations (displayed above), can be purchased at the Ariadne Knits site. Not only is Jennie a talented designer of toys, she's a healer, and my family adviser of undergarments for 'Sistas of Substance,' if you get my meaning. (And I think you do). Now that's what I call multi-faceted. Can you dig it? (...I knew that you could).

That's about all for now. I'll post more when I bloody well feel like it. Now that I have a little more time to myself, I should be able to. I should, anyway. Okay...

Ciao, belli!

This Will Completely Blow Your Damn Mind.

Just when you thought it was okay to come out from under the table...

Eternally (Infernally) Useful.

Lovely, isn't it?

While I was in the family room chez funeraire, I saw a lovely wood casket waiting for its contents...It suddenly dawned on me that it'd make a great background to show off my second Clapotis, made from Koigu PPPM.

See? You can take it with you!

This would make a great surface for blocking.

This is the lid to a box that held a cremation container. After looking at it, I realize how useful it'd be for blocking a really long shawl. Regrettably, it's going to go back on the box for transport back to the crematory.

So much for recycling. Anyway, I dare Martha Stewart to come up with anything this clever, yet practical. So there.

the more things change...

Compared to last year about this time:

Advocating Artist

Happy Hallowe'en, Y'all

...Why?

If this beast shows up at your door, just give it plenty of lettuce. Preferably romaine.

Thank you.

Excessive Knitting Content, including brief nudity, but no display of genitalia.

Mother as Pat Benatar

This was knitted after seeing the pattern by Mintyfresh on Ravelry.
I used Cotton Fleece, but it's designed as a way
to use up oddments of sock yarn
(and in my case, beads).
Please note, I have nothing to do with the faux-leopard print dress.

Mother Annoyed
with Kate, who is nude, without limbs or ears,
and resting on Mummy's shoulder.
Kind of makes her look like a light bulb, eh?

Posh Lucia Sock Yarn in the color 'Reassure.'
4-ply 70% merino, 30% cashmere, It's kind of stringy...
I don't think I like it.

I call this sock 'I Poop Corn.'
The name comes from this disgusting story that Ms. Violet's beloved,
'Sideshow Husband' told me.
I'd tell you myself, but I'm posting this too close to suppertime for all that.
(E-mail me for details).
The sock pattern, by Nancy Bush is from the Interweave Knits, Fall 2005 issue. It's cabled (and ribbed) for your pleasure. I'm using "Knit Picks Essential Tweed" in Inca Gold,
which is considerably softer than KP Essential without the Tweed.
I haven't washed it yet, so we'll see how it holds up.

After losing the strap somewhere in the abyss that is the kitchen,
I knit up another one using Lion Brand 'Incredible' Yarn.
This is done in seed stitch on size 6mm needles. Or 5.5mm.
I forget...

Dalida is the newest member of our family.
Although she's rather uh...'big boned,' she's actually still a baby.
Due to her coloring (she has a small swath of brown
on the left side behind her ear),
her street name is Lil' Skidz.
The good news is, she's only peed on me twice.
This too, has nothing to do with knitting,
but since I dearly love guinea pigs of all sizes,
here's a picture of a capybara relaxing at the Montreal Biodome.

I'll post more when I actually feel like it, and that may not be any time prior to mid-October. I'm supposed to attend a family reunion in Las Cruces, New Mexico of all places. When I return, I'll have lots of incriminating photos to post, no doubt. Following that, I hope to return to Montreal for the rest of the year, at least.

While I'm away, buy this book and knit everything in it.
It's fabulous. Seriously.

Okay, bye.