Things that are just straight up wrong:

...but I love what they did with her!

How messed up is this?

The truth is out there (it's just that we're having a bit of trouble finding it).

I am certain that extraterrestrial life exists...it is good to know we are not alone. But since we're not, no doubt I'll have to share my stash of McCain Deep 'n Delicious Chocolate Cake. I believe that humans are now transmitting a beacon in the form of the enormous Orange Julep ball on Decarie; it's transmitting reruns from The Jerry Springer Show in the early years when they allowed guests to beat one another up. SETI@home is running on my computers at home and work because it compliments my other-worldly nature...can you dig it?

My Official 'Origin of the Universe' Haiku.

Songs of the Cosmos
Vibrate through the Universe
A life force for all.