30 July 2005

Strange but true...the beat goes on.

Mike the Headless Chicken
This is a highly inspirational story of a chicken that refused to die. It's also a story about a bunch of people living near Grand Junction, Colorado, with precious little to do in the springtime. To learn more, follow the link.

28 July 2005

So lovely (and amazing).

Just when you thought I'd given up posting anything at all about knitting, I offer to you this masterpiece, created by Molly Ann, member of Montreal Knits, and Knitter Extraordinaire. This was so fabulous, I had to take a picture of both the shawl and the yarn used to create it.

I harbor no illusions that I will be able to ever, in my lifetime, create anything this intricate. But for those of you who can, and do--the yarn is AHS Slub Kasuri, from Ami-Ami in Color No. A-35.

N.B.: For those of you wondering about the outcome of my visit to the opthamologst Monday, don't ask. The news was not what I wanted to hear. Or see. Even in a fuzzy sense. And believe me, it was extremely fuzzy. The long and short of it is, there's a occular CT scan in my future. And yet another medical professional has taken my Naturally Enormous Eyeballs as a sign of underlying thyroid disease. Wonderful. (Don't hate me because my gland is bigger than yours...)

13 July 2005

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Another craft idea gone horribly wrong.

One day I'm channel surfing and I come across this craft show on cable, and this lady is demonstrating how to make a "memory box" for Alzheimer patients using one of those cardboard boxes, copies of old photos of loved ones, and attaching them by means of d├ęcoupage...

I found that idea to be incredibly cheesy, no matter how severe one's dementia.

So I decided to combine cheesy with tacky, then add a pinch of vulgarity. The result? A toilet seat with d├ęcoupaged photos of family members, which I planned to award to some unsuspecting relative at our next family reunion.

Word of my creation got out, and I got deluged with requests to "please-baby-please, make sure you put my picture on the lid and not the seat!!!"

The whole thing got incredibly complex, and I never actually got around to finishing The Familial Throne. ...Tender mercies, indeed. Anyway, there are, no doubt, any number of disturbing ideas bouncing about in my disturbed little mind, and hopefully, I'll keep procrastinating long enough not to get any of them started. (We can all hope, anyway).

That's all for now. Bye.

11 July 2005

Something useful (for a change).

Some people love the Ikea experience. Others of us love the Ikea experience, but compliment it with a mindless excusion through Dollarama. Here's a little secret: I'm one of those people. And I managed to create some very useful knitting markers with materials purchased at one of the junkiest retailers on earth. Most of the materials, anyway--the small-sized rings and little metal pieces actually came from some LYS and Zellers, yet another junky-assed store). The pliers and snipper thingy went for one dollar each, while I saw the identical items sold as a group at Hobby Lobby in the States for some insane price like $13 USD. Talk about profiteering--that's scandalous!!

My Instruments
The little metallic dealies attached to the rings are in actuality, wine glass charms. I didn't want you to think I'm some kind of lush because there seems to be this weird alcohol motif running through my tiny creations. The unexpected bonus comes from the bunch o' grapes design, as it sort of looks like the continent of Africa if you flip it over.
(Kind of...vaguely...'exactly' if you've been drinking hard).

Those who know me, know that I frequently knit with Enourmous Needles, because my vision sucks to fullest. I had problems finding yarn markers huge enough to fit, but found yet another solution courtesy of the Health & Beauty aisle at Dollarama. They came in a package of those tacky plastic bangle bracelets that the kids use to make themselves look even more slutty than they already do.

So please, don't say I never offered you any useful tips. M-Diddy would never lower herself to shop at Dollarama, Zellers, (or Ikea, for that matter), and therefore would never have come up with such a practical idea. I, on the other hand, couldn't care less. So, revel in my indifference, and embrace your inner cheapskate. And if you are hung-up that way, just lie if anyone asks where you got those magnificent place markers.

09 July 2005

Now, That's Gross (The Saga Continues)

If you're eating, you so don't want to see the other end of this link. It's extraordinarily horrible. At the last Montreal Knits gathering, we were discussing feet (don't ask), and how most people don't really like the look of their own. Either that, or their simply indifferent. This photo shows the atrocity that is Katie Holmes' feet copied from that bastion of reliable journalism, Star Magazine. (The following visual provides an example of footwear to be avoided):

"These boots are made for hobblin' "
My beloved grandmother died at age 90, after having been an insulin-dependent diabetic for 21 years--even her feet never looked that vile. You think Ms. Holmes could get a toe transplant or something? Those gnarled stumps are really beyond the pale. Then again, human nature being what it is, you know you want to look...so go ahead.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

08 July 2005

Who Knew? (Reprise of the sequel).

I've been doing a lot of shrugs this summer because I hate the look of my upper arms, and don't feel they're appropriate for public display. On the other hand, I don't love being a sweaty mess while out and about, so shrugs with camisoles make for a suitable compromise. This one is adapted from the Interweave Knits Staff Shrug project (the Minimalist Ribbon Shrug, in particular).

The stitch is one I know well, having used it to make inumerable dishcloths. It can be reproduced by casting on an odd number of stitches, then garter stitching three rows. The fourth row is made by beginning the row K1. Next, K2tog, YO, and repeat until the last two remaining stitches, which are K2. Then you start over agan with the three rows of garter stitch, etc. Extremely simple, and the holes allow for rapid completion. Gotta love it.

the obligatory close-up.

This model displays the actual Minimalist Ribbon Shrug, as intended by its creator, Susan Sternlieb. It was made with Berocco Lullaby in Rockabye Blue, which is surprisingly soft, light, and airy. While I'm not always big on varigated yarn, this color palette goes nicely with jeans.

As always, I'm still working on a number of other projects, but am entirely too lazy to fish them out, set them up, and photograph them. So this is all you get (for now).

...Okay, bye.

03 July 2005