On the verge of taking a funky adventure...

...into the abyss, which is otherwise known as Omaha, I post with a heavy heart. You see, the days of wine and roses are about to turn into those of flat beer and soda crackers. When I get where I am supposed to be, I'll post again. As for now, I have a hella lotta shit to stuff into a single suitcase (thanks for nothing, United!!)

As for my time icitte à Montréal, I was here for a good time, not a long time..and it went by much too fast.

Catch you on the flip side, my sistas.

- d.

A Friendly Reminder.

Sarah Silverman is so awesome. She actually said Barack Obama is circum-super-sized.  (I wish I'd thought of that!)  And this time, she's right on target--so watch and learn!!

Is this supposed to be a surprise or something??

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Sad but true...

From the brilliant mind behind

 ph33r and loathing.

Tony, Old School Locking Across The Floor (to Jimmy 'Bo' Horne).

Simply brilliant.

In honor of 'Back to School'...

See the horror of Science Fairs, kids going through 'that awkward phase,' and the mayhem that ensues with the misuse of Photo Shop courtesy of those wags at Something Awful.com

Escape from Omaha

Please note: if you're looking for me, but can't find me, it's because I have run away back to a place where I can afford to be sick, and buy medicine for my various and sundry conditions. Until I'm re-established, I will have limited internet access, and may appear to have gone underground. That's only partially true...

If you're affiliated with Montreal Knits, brace yourself for my return!

If you're stuck out on the plains, it's been fun, but I had to save my own damn self. See you whenever. Meanwhile, stay tuned for developments as soon as I can post them.

One,
-d.

Update: State of the World

Just when you thought it was safe to display oversized dog dung for the public to admire...

...shit happens.

Who needs the Olympics when you have this kind of thing happening all around you?

Profane West Indian Videos, Part II

If you need a translation, ask a Jamaican (or e-mail me).
Proof of age required; restricted to those over the age of 18-ish).

Wait...one more thing:

This is dedicated to any and everyone
who uses public transportation. Thank you.

No, I'm not dead (yet)

I just blog as often as if I were. In the meantime, I have a few notes from the Land 'O Tornadoes that go like this:

This is not my house.

• Knitting and severe weather go together well, but only if you have a roof.
• The Mosquito festival continues!
• Dead manatees on your neighbor's lawn are a terrible way to start the day.
• I've really got to get-the-hell out of here, and I mean right damn now.
  
• Tom Becka's voice sets my teeth on edge--especially when he's trying to be helpful.
• Scott Vorhees seems kind of bitchy when he gets nervous.
  
• Shopping at the Bellevue Wal-Mart on a Friday night remains a freak show. (Checking out is even worse).
• Johnny Briceño is still hot.

That's all for now. More later. Stay tuned.

Why do I find this amusing?

WTF?

It's actually rather tragic. While I in no way condone domestic violence of any sort, and I realize that sobriety is very difficult to maintain for an addict, the visualization of this guy doing what he's been accused of doing, all while naked to the world, brings a smile to my wrinkled, craggy old visage... An excerpt:

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- A convicted felon who became a motivational speaker -- and used his life experiences to warn teens about the dangers of drugs and crime -- is accused of going on a bender, threatening to kill his girlfriend and her son, and smashing a former prison buddy in the face with a statue of John Wayne.

Hey. It's the Midwest. Shit happens. In even stupider news, some poor schlub in Chi-town (not my town) was busted doing something which appears highly illicit in a Google Earth shot:

Oops.

And don't even think about trying to find it directly at Google Maps, because the notoriety of this entire mess has led to the image being removed. (That, or somebody threatened to bash in some heads over the unwanted publicity). It has caused me to think twice whenever I'm at say, a grocery store, or someplace in public, and have to scratch or adjust an undergarment. You really never do know who's watching, and worst of all, you could end up on some heinous blog that shows you 'keeping it real.'

Is nothing sacred? Obviously not. Big ups to Gadling for allowing me to rip off/link to this story.

Gotta run now...

Hoo boy...

It's Tim Gunn's
Guide to Polygamist Style!

"featuring Mo Rocca"

Stuff I Like.

First, I have to give a shout out to MaggieBelize from Ravelry, who graciously accepted my blind enquiry about life (and men) in Belize. It's great corresponding with another knitterista who is loves typing about the Central American/Caribbean nation. Speaking of Belize, it's time to post another pic of one of the many hot papis from my ¡caliente! file:

This is Orlando Habet
(and I wants me some of that)

Mr. Habet is the official head of chickens, (or some such title having to do with poultry). I know just looking at him has me ovulating. If I can still do that (hard to tell anymore).

I like this sock.

Meanwhile, I'm still knitting all manner of items, among which, I have an assload in my queue (so to speak). Earlier in the day, I came across this pattern called 'Fluke' as in, 'if I ever manage not to screw up lace, it'll be a real fluke.' I've included a photo of how they're supposed to look. Although I'm too demented and visually impared to knit lace, hope springs eternal, and I keep trying, just the same. When will I learn? Ms. Laurie Lee of SLC is the designer of this lovely pattern, by the way.

As to my escape from Corn Country, I imagine it'll be sometime in June. Some serious shit is going down in my world, and it's completely thrown a spanner in my works. The breaks, you know? Nevertheless, my refusal to acknowledge reality will keep me from completely giving in to adversity. I figure if it worked for Dan Quayle, it can work for me...

More to come. Meanwhile, enjoy the pretty pictures, and celebrate spring--even if it includes the occasional snowflake.

One,
- d.

Now, I'm Hyping My Cousin.

Hey, Everybody!
Click On Over and Buy My Cousin's New CD.
(Go ahead...I'll wait).

Back? Okay, thanks. And be sure to tell your friends to buy a bunch of these, as well. You see, we had to listen to him practice for too many years, as he honed his musicianship--generally in the basement of my grandmother's house. She'd wake up and smell the unmistakable combination of Gonesh No. 7 (and weed) wafting up from downstairs, and see a light on, so she knew it was him 'getting in the groove' and stuff. Mostly, and stuff, but it's all good. He's done quite well for himself, even if we weren't always as supportive as we could have been. Nevertheless, he persevered, and is now a well-respected musician with a graduate degree (just in case).

That's all the hustling I plan to do for now. So, ciao for now, babes.

Yet another WTF moment...

Plus, it's kind of knitting related--in a way. Funny how computers have so much in common with knitting, eh? Here's an excerpt:

"Our interactions with personal electronic devices provoke a broad range of emotional states from frustration to confusion to feverish obsession. Increasingly, these devices mediate our everyday work activities, our social network development and our personal communications... we propose a participatory installation that aims to bring critical awareness and consideration to the complex relationship between people and their technological artifacts. These 'Body-Technology Interfaces,' (BTIs) in the form of hand-knitted custom wrappers for personal electronic devices, will reflect salient interaction behaviors between the participant and their chosen device."

Courtesy of the geniuses at Geekologie. Dig it.

Would Someone Please Tell Elizabeth Hasselbeck To Shut The Fuck Up?!!

Thank you..more to come.
Gotta go now--
Okay, bye.

More Man Candy (Now, with Socks!)

I really need to put up something related to knitting so I don't lose my affiliation with the many groups who require me to do as such, however, I'm just not hyped to do it here. You see, I spend far too much time over at Ravelry, so I tend to lose the inspiration to post here--however, I do still knit stuff while watching the newscasts from Belize (a country I have never visited, nor do I know a soul who comes from there). Basically, I'm addicted because they have any number of incredibly hot politicians. I suspect more than a few of them to be corrupt as all hell, but since we'll never meet, I figure it's okay for me to ogle them for my own perimenopausal pleasure. This post offers is the following:

Mmmmm...yummy.

His name is Johnny Briceño. He's running for Party Leader of the People's United Party. It used to be cool, but lately, it's plagued by scandal and thievery from the very people they're supposed to be helping. Oh well. Shit happens. (For what it's worth, I don't think he's going to win--but he is fun to look at). I like hot papis with salt 'n pepper hair. Word.

Okay, here's the knitting...

Deceptively easy lace. Gotta love it.

Mother is waiting for me to put on my pants and take her to yet another ghastly pancake house for supper. Never mind that she's diabetic and has many heart problems. She wants to go out with a belly full of toxins (and who doesn't?), so I'll sign off for now.

Gotta go...

Disgusting Photo of the Day (for no apparent reason...)

It's called "Sea Penis."

My understanding is that this dish from Korea is actually made from sea slugs, because hey--everybody knows the sea doesn't have a penis, let alone a big ol' bowl full
of 'em. Just between you and me, I'll stick with the kimchi.

I anxiously await your comments.

Yet another reason I don't drink beer.

(North) America's Next Top Guinea Pig

Featuring a 'Mardi Gras' theme, Dalida shows us her festive look.

Hope all this isn't too artsy for you. Suffice it to say, she's something of a diva, but I believe the camera displays her contemplative side. Originally, I had posed her with a nice King Cake, but she kept trying eat the Baby Jesus (as well as the cake itself). Oh well, these things happen, I suppose.

More to come, once we get the stains out of the comfy chair...

This Is Very Very Wrong.

No wonder I can't stop laughing at it!

Too cold to type (and care).

What is the deal with Jim Vokal's eyes? Does he have thyroid trouble or what??

Godfrey Smith, Minister of Tourism from Belize is straight up man-candy (Word.)

It's fucking cold as all get out up in here. Would somebody please light a furnace or something!?

Okay, bye.

Still Evil After All These Years.

Your alter ego is Cruella De Ville!

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

You hurt little puppies and have bad hair...shame on you! Ariel 75% Cruella De Ville 75% Peter Pan 69% Donald Duck 63% Sleeping Beauty 63% Goofy 63% Cinderella 44% The Beast 38% Pinocchio 38% Snow White 31%

This quiz was stolen from Jeepchick, whom I had the pleasure of meeting Chez Borders in Papillion on Tuesday evening.

I'm so glad I took this test. Didn't you know, Evil is the new Black!