This Is What's Up (and its very, very, very graphic-intensive).

Look, I've been busy, alright? When I wasn't trying to make a mad dash from the Wild (not Mild) Midwest (and the whole shootin' match--fo' real), I was trying to plan, knit, and complete a shitload of Christmas stuff. You see, I've decided to make most of the gifts I'm giving this year. (What in hell was I thinking??) Then there's the kitchen floor (a biohazard, to be sure). Needless to say, I'm happy to be back in the land where I can actually afford to get sick and buy my own damn meds. While I was away, my knitting friends have been busy little entrepreneurs, setting up shop(s), and making mad jack so they can knit even more!

What this means, is that I have even more public displays of knitting to project onto the Universe (or Multiverse)! This is most excellent, indeed. Here are a few scenes for you to enjoy:

A slightly exposed doll, knit by the fabulous Jennie L.

Say 'Hello' to Jennie's Little Friends!

Melanie modelling Mary J.'s Cinchy Hat

More Melanie featuring the faux-fireplace, and Miss Mary's Mac.

Mary & Jennie doing that bidness thang.

Now that you've seen the pics, here are the deets: most of these photos were shot at the brand-spankin' new location of Ariadne Knits, now sporting a brick-and-mortar shop, ready for you to buy lots and lots (and lots) of yarn! (Click on the link to get the addy, hours, and digits).

But wait, there's more...

The Lovely Robyn (aka Sako Koivu's No. 1 fan) has hung her cybershingle out with lots of yarn and notions for all you good (and bad) little girls and boys. She's got Mirasol and Colinette, and Noro and Claudia's Hand-Painted Sock Yarn, and more...Her joint is RobynsNest.ca so everybody Go! Visit! Buy!

All you toy freaks out there check out Montreal Knits Very Own Jennie L., who got her pattern, "Sally the Eco Fairy" published in the latest issue of Knitty. Her other creations (displayed above), can be purchased at the Ariadne Knits site. Not only is Jennie a talented designer of toys, she's a healer, and my family adviser of undergarments for 'Sistas of Substance,' if you get my meaning. (And I think you do). Now that's what I call multi-faceted. Can you dig it? (...I knew that you could).

That's about all for now. I'll post more when I bloody well feel like it. Now that I have a little more time to myself, I should be able to. I should, anyway. Okay...

Ciao, belli!

This Will Completely Blow Your Damn Mind.

Just when you thought it was okay to come out from under the table...

Eternally (Infernally) Useful.

Lovely, isn't it?

While I was in the family room chez funeraire, I saw a lovely wood casket waiting for its contents...It suddenly dawned on me that it'd make a great background to show off my second Clapotis, made from Koigu PPPM.

See? You can take it with you!

This would make a great surface for blocking.

This is the lid to a box that held a cremation container. After looking at it, I realize how useful it'd be for blocking a really long shawl. Regrettably, it's going to go back on the box for transport back to the crematory.

So much for recycling. Anyway, I dare Martha Stewart to come up with anything this clever, yet practical. So there.

the more things change...

Compared to last year about this time:

Advocating Artist

Happy Hallowe'en, Y'all

...Why?

If this beast shows up at your door, just give it plenty of lettuce. Preferably romaine.

Thank you.

Excessive Knitting Content, including brief nudity, but no display of genitalia.

Mother as Pat Benatar

This was knitted after seeing the pattern by Mintyfresh on Ravelry.
I used Cotton Fleece, but it's designed as a way
to use up oddments of sock yarn
(and in my case, beads).
Please note, I have nothing to do with the faux-leopard print dress.

Mother Annoyed
with Kate, who is nude, without limbs or ears,
and resting on Mummy's shoulder.
Kind of makes her look like a light bulb, eh?

Posh Lucia Sock Yarn in the color 'Reassure.'
4-ply 70% merino, 30% cashmere, It's kind of stringy...
I don't think I like it.

I call this sock 'I Poop Corn.'
The name comes from this disgusting story that Ms. Violet's beloved,
'Sideshow Husband' told me.
I'd tell you myself, but I'm posting this too close to suppertime for all that.
(E-mail me for details).
The sock pattern, by Nancy Bush is from the Interweave Knits, Fall 2005 issue. It's cabled (and ribbed) for your pleasure. I'm using "Knit Picks Essential Tweed" in Inca Gold,
which is considerably softer than KP Essential without the Tweed.
I haven't washed it yet, so we'll see how it holds up.

After losing the strap somewhere in the abyss that is the kitchen,
I knit up another one using Lion Brand 'Incredible' Yarn.
This is done in seed stitch on size 6mm needles. Or 5.5mm.
I forget...

Dalida is the newest member of our family.
Although she's rather uh...'big boned,' she's actually still a baby.
Due to her coloring (she has a small swath of brown
on the left side behind her ear),
her street name is Lil' Skidz.
The good news is, she's only peed on me twice.
This too, has nothing to do with knitting,
but since I dearly love guinea pigs of all sizes,
here's a picture of a capybara relaxing at the Montreal Biodome.

I'll post more when I actually feel like it, and that may not be any time prior to mid-October. I'm supposed to attend a family reunion in Las Cruces, New Mexico of all places. When I return, I'll have lots of incriminating photos to post, no doubt. Following that, I hope to return to Montreal for the rest of the year, at least.

While I'm away, buy this book and knit everything in it.
It's fabulous. Seriously.

Okay, bye.

Surely You Can Do Better.

Courtesy of our friends at Engrish.com

I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'. You feel me?

Lest you think this blog is turning into a personal tribute to male genitalia, I promise to post Actual Knitting Content soon.

For real.

This will really blow your...mind.

So there I was, driving down the road, listening to 'As It Happens,' when I hear them talking about penises. Lots and lots of penises, in fact. Naturally, I turned up the volume, because normally, that kind of thing doesn't generally make the news. It turns out, they were doing a story about Sigurdur Hjartarson's Phallological Museum in Iceland. Hell, I didn't realize there was a Phallological Museum anywhere on the planet, but why not? Turns out they have specimens from most mammals, except for one, and I bet you can guess which one that is...I'd tell you more, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. Here's a link to the show (the story begins at 22:39, if you're in a big, big, big hurry). If you're like me, you probably want to read up on this, and you can, by simply following this link and/or this one.
They include fascinating bits of info such as, the legal standard (in Iceland) for penises, a definition of the ancient science that is Phallology, and a listing of current (a-HEM) members. And for those of you partying to a global vibe, they even have a site translation in Esperanto!

There are some really charming graphics, as well. It may not be safe for work (lest you work in urology), but straight up...You know you're going to check it out.

So go! Click!! Learn!!!

N.B.: This concludes the educational portion of this month's postings. I hope.

The best is yet to come...

"The Most Fabulous Guinea Pig Ever."

The Sequel to PC

Too Real.

Not quite what you were expecting...?

True Terror.

....Eeeeww.

For those of you who were wishing for a post, deal with this visual. Can you Name the Celebrity Bunion? Here's a hint: 'manky slag.' Here's another one--her husband makes his living using his feet. I feel bad for their offspring..for so many reasons.

Meanwhile, here are a few items of note that have transpired since my last missive--it got hot as all hell again, the humidity continues to rise, I still have a headache (although it's far less severe), and after two-and-a-half months of PMS, menopause has once again gone dormant. I'm still starting countless knitting projects, and finishing very few (but it's a part of the process, you understand). Omaha remains unbearable, but scandalizing the locals keeps my brain from atrophying further. Tragically, it takes so little to upset them, that I require further challenges than this godforsaken pit of agricultural hell offers. Mais le plus ça change...

The good news is I got on Ravelry, and the corn here is freaking HUGE, but the bad news is I'm seriously addicted, and it doesn't digest so good.

Apply those any way you like. Time for more Excedrin. Peace!

Owieowieowieowieowie...

I've been suffering through this migraine for over a-week-and-a-fucking-half now, and it's truly blowing my mind. It actually feels like my mind is literally blowing up inside my skull, to be precise, and none of my usual drugs are beating back the evil beast into submission. So, I spent last evening in the ER of the nearest hospital getting drugs shot into my system, in the hope it would be somewhat more effective.

After the buzz wore off, guess what? It wasn't.

Meanwhile, I'm swallowing fistfuls of analgesics so that at least the throbbing will cease. If I believed in Satan, I'd swear that the devil himself had crawled up and into my head, parked his troublemaking ass near my left eyeball, and begun to squeeze it for all he's worth, because the whole thing genuinely FEELS LIKE HELL.

Can you dig it? (I knew that you could).

But enough whining for now. Here are a few of the projects I've either finished or tried to finish up (when my vision returns for brief periods, anyway)...

You see, my stuff goes well with aging linoleum, concrete,
and/or really painful platforms. Cool, ain't it?

Most of the patterns are based upon those from Kate Atherley's 'Basic Ribbed Sock Pattern' because I don't feeling like thinking deeply when the weather is this shitty. The drugs aren't much help toward concentration, either. But the yarns used (from top to bottom) are as follows: Meilenweit Fantasy, Color No. 4830, Hill Country Sweet Feet in Purple Mountain, and Regia 4-Ply Canadian Color No. 4741 (aka Brazil). The one in the middle was knit using 2.5mm needles, while the others were made on 2.25mm. And I haven't a clue as to why Regia thought Brazil had fuck-all to do with Canadian Color. Whatever.

In addition, I whipped up the lovely Lutea Lace-Shoulder Shell from the latest Interweave Knits, which I chose to make using Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece in Salmon Berry Red from two (count-em!) dye lots. I don't care if anyone notices or not, because I'm in pain. So there. I'll post it when I get a proper pic of it to post.

But now, I'm sigining off, because all this mess is straining what's left of my eyesight.

Stay real!

Ya Think...?

Indie Personality Test Results

63% Indie Scoring highly suggests you are likely to be very liberal, independent minded, self identify as an outsider, shun materialism and popular culture, and have an aversion to organized religion. While high scorers are more intellectual than average, they are probably more artistically astute than intellectually avante garde (i.e. they are more likely to know of new interesting new bands/artists/writers than the best way to extract energy from a hydrogen atom. Low scorers, will generally tend towards the opposite of the above. They will tend to be more materialistic, conservative, corporate friendly, social and are more likely to be religious.

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Filler.

Which Godzilla movie monster are you?

You are: Mothra! You are emotional and deep in thought. You have strong opinions and care greatly about friends, family and issues concerning your environment and community. Mostly a peace lover, however when you have to, you kick ass with intelligence and strategy. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Another one from the "Oh Wow" Dept.

...uh, "no comment."

Socks 'n Death (featuring le maudit gazon...)

"Meet the family."

As many of you know, the end of May is when we go on our annual 'Death Tour' in which we visit five cemeteries over two days in three states. This year's extravaganza included a wedding, and a lovely visit with relatives (live ones) with whom we rarely get to spend time.

Nothing says 'There's no place like home,'
quite like a rainbow in Kansas (in a cemetery, no less).

When I wasn't bent over with a fistful of garrish artificial flowers, I spent time finishing up a bunch of socks begun during my much too brief time in Montreal. I bought some lovely Opal Rainforest sock yarn in the Ladybug colorway from my knit-sistas at Ariadne Knits. I also bought some Soft Sea Wool, a delicious new sock yarn from Reynolds. Should I ever finish something with it, I'll be sure to post it. Meanwhile, dig this:

Something I actually finished.
Created and modelled by Yours Truly.

Proof that I actually completed both socks. Amazing!

Slipper socks featuring some heinous novelty yarn
and Knit Picks something-or-other from my stash.

My cousin Rachelle is gracious enough to accept my experiments in slipper-making. This f.o. demonstrates how serendipity led me to knit these screaming green numbers. It provided a great way to use up the loudest of novelty yarn that finds it way into your stash, not unlike a date with some reject you thought you found attractive at a low point in your life; (i.e. 'what-the-hell was I thinking?!)

This concludes the knitting portion of this blog, for now. (Mahalo!)

Guess Where I'm Trapped!

...People in Nebraska are noticeably larger. Maybe it was just the buffet restaurant we went to - a smorgasbord featuring dozens of pastas, greasy foods and at least two types of brownies in a fantastic dessert bar - but it sure seems that eating in the Midwest is a serious pastime.

Read more gory details here.

Gotta go now.

Okay, bye.

Shout out to my Knittas in T-Dot

Now THAT'S Completely Fucked.

Why didn't somebody out there hook a sista up???!!

Suffice it to say, I'm highly perturbed by the results of last night's American Idol. Not only should Melinda be in the final, she definitely should have WON the entire thing--because she IS the best singer, period. What's more, she has the most polish of any of the contestants featured this season. I knew the fix was in for Jordin (she's young and cute, and all that which a pop princess is expected to be), but Blake? He's good, but da-a-a-a-a-m-m-m-m-n, he's no Melinda.

If Jordin doesn't go on to win the entire mess, I'll know The Evil Dick (Cheney) has rigged this shit, as well!

But I don't even smoke...(or think).

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happiest shit ever.

...Seriously!

Why do I find this so amusing...?

I can't help it--but kids in little muu-muu's crack me up.

I stole it trom Tara.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking amidst the candy store, swinging a studded crowbar, cometh Deawn! And she gives a spectacular grunt: "I'm going to torment you so utterly, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Go see what you can steal, too!

Fun with furry things (and more)!

Here's another shot of Miss Pearl, who refuses to graze on these heinous furry-looking thongs I made for my Cousin Judy, in her special 'girl gang' colors. (I'm fairly certain her dog will use them as chew toys).
These are some socks I'm currently working on, which are made from Hill Country 'Sweet Feet' sock yarn. The colorway is called Purple Mountain, which is strange, because I've yet to see any mountains that are such a vivid shade of blue. I bought them from 'Discount Yarn Sale' on a whim, and the hand is so nice, I can't stop touching them! (Not to worry though, I'm still able to maintain my knitter's ADD).

Earlier in the week, I splurged and picked up some Colinette JitterBug in a colorway I think has got to be mislabelled. It claims to be 'Sahara' but it looks nothing at all like the photos of colorways I've seen on any number of sites. (I'll check again to see what-the-hell happened and let you know). While I really like the way Hill Country Yarn knits up, I have to say that the JitterBug is without question, the best sock yarn I've ever worked with in my entire life. Perhaps even longer. Like say, maybe a previous life. (Can't say for sure, since I believe that I was an amnesiac in all my previously lives). It hasn't fuzzed up at all, and it's so nicely plied, that even I haven't split the living daylights out of the yarn. When I quit fondling it, I'll take a picture and post it.

While I'm on the subject of fascinating projects 'whipped up' with yarn, I suggest you check out this link to a project from 'The Anticraft.' In particular, pay special attention to the dialogue between The Artiste and her mother, who wondered exactly what she was 'up to' so to speak, with her good sock yarn. 'Something to do with the Longhorns?!' Man, that's a good one...it just cracks me up!!

To close, the masses have requested that I re-post the URL for Miss Pearl's My Space page, so click on the hyperlink, and find yourself transformed to the mystical wonderland that is her virtual world...

Stay strange. I know I will.

Sanjaya Anthem

By Popular Demand...

If I were any more laid back, I'd be dead.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

(It's supposed to be deep.)

Best.Hair.Ever.

An oldie but goodie from the late great Rufus "Funky Chicken" Thomas! With a special appearance by the late Fred "Rerun" Berry from "What's Happenin' "!! Featuring a lady in an obscenely short dress tearin' it up!!! (She's somebody's grandma now, believe it or not...)

This is What's Up.

Last week, I was circling the block looking for a parking space, and decided to impede what little traffic there was in Downtown Omaha by taking a few pictures...

Scenes from beautiful downtown Omaha...or,
(why the hell is there a buffalo stuck in that building?)

This concludes the 'stale destinations' portion of this post. Here's the knitting content part I've neglected as of late. For your review, are a few of my many, many, (many) knitting projects. Yours Truly is the model, as Mother has threatened me with legal action if I don't give the whole candid camera thing a rest.

The Never-Ending Sock
Pattern: Something or other from
"Knitting Vintage Socks" by Nancy Bush
Yarn: Lisa Souza Sock! in Mars Quake
Needle size: 2.5mm

The Boysenberry Waffle Sock
Pattern: I'm altering it as I go along.
Yarn: Koigu PPPM 'Glass of Cabernet'
Needle size: 2.75mm

Jaywalker Interrupted
Pattern: Grumperina's Masterpiece
Yarn: Koigu PPM
(I've temporarily misplaced the yarn band--my bad.)
Needle size: 2.5mm

Yarn: Misti Alpaca Hand Dyed Worsted
Pattern: Lion Brand Lace Beanie
Mood: Tense.

That is all.

Impromptu Interventions for the Bladder Control Impaired

I can't even make this up. (But you can bet I tried...)

Beware the Ides of March (and men's crotches).

According to studies, men stare at the naughty bits of baseball players, while women focus on the face. Although this is relevant of nothing in particular, you can learn the details about this right here.

I'll post knitting and/or sports content at a later date. Just be thankful I'm here to pass on all this valuable information, sans frais.

Now That I've Got Your Attention...

Shouldn't it actually read 'hangin'?

This horrifying visual has nothing at all to do with the real message of this post. I uploaded it only to get your attention. (And since you're reading this now, it obviously worked). Miss Pearl, my beloved rodent, has recently unveiled her 'My Space' page to rave reviews, amassing a whole bunch of celebrity friends, some of whom are actually human!

But 'La Pearl' isn't one of those snobbish types who star trips. She's a true pig of the people, and would be happy to have you (yes, You) as a friend. Click here to see her page, and leave a comment. And be sure to check back early and often. She's a very popular pig indeed!

Weird, Cute, & Provocative

...yet it has nothing to do with Britney. Who knew?? It's the:

Gansta Happy Feet Remix!

How Deep Is Your Soul?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I actually finished something (else).

Crazy Sexy Crafty Cool.

I believe poverty is the mother of invention, not necessity. At best, necessity is a distant cousin. The kind you never hear from until they want to hit you up for jack. Anyway, I used both indigence and necessity to the fullest in creating this useful-yet-decorative row counter thang, that also serves as a stitch marker. Ain't it cute?

And speaking of cute...

Hey look! It's everybody's favorite model!!

This is another one of my FO's during the ongoing Winter of My Discontent. It's the Snowbaby Hat by Janine LeCras, knit up in Patons SWS in the lovely Natural Earth colorway. If you make it extra huge, you can see that it doubles as an eye shade, as well!

You may thank me later for airbrushing out my corn(s).

Finally, I have finished a pair of Pedicure Socks intended as a Christmas gift for my cousin Judy, who has been both patient and understanding of my incredibly scattered style of knitting. Okay, of everything is scattered to the max--but let's just stick to the subject at hand, shall we...? They were made with Sinfonia yarn, which I purchased on sale during one of my lost afternoons at Hobby Lobby. I'm still working on her Geisha Socks, but It's still looking good for Easter...

Th-th-th-th-th-th-at's all, Folks!