The Reset (le 29 septembre, 2006)

Yeah Tara!
(Check out her other site, too)

How to Make Your Own Yarn Swift

I made this one myself, for less than $40.
(That's $35 if you consider that I bought the wrong wood the first two times--plus I'm talking Canadian dollars!)

The Distorted View Website & Podcast

(XXXtra Nasty--You've Been Warned!)

Oddly enough, this one is clean...

Naked Mole Rats
Fugly.

The Star-Nosed Mole
Even Fuglier.

Pulchritude.

Too tired to type

...therefore, this visual will have to do.
Make sure you read the message from the fortune cookie.
It's very deep.

Gluttony

Now that's just plain nasty.

This is what happens when you go to a buffet after having starved yourself all effing weekend so you can maximize your input. (Actually it's a python who got piggy with it and devoured a pregnant ewe, which is disturbingly similar).

Hey look, I actually completed two!

When I'm not sublimating with mass-quantities of foodstuffs, I'm overindulging by purchasing far too much sock yarn. Please note one completed project (above) and another one which is in progress (below),using Trekking XXL and the Hedera sock pattern from Knitty. I like how the pattern looks more difficult than it is, and how quickly it knits up. (The quasi-camo Aqualrel No. 155 colorway is nice, as well). I thank you in advance for not making rude comments about my bony ankles.

Socks are like...the new dishrags.

When I feel like it, I'll update you on the many other goings-on in my world. Right now, my sinuses are megapissed at me, and are making my life very painful indeed. So this will simply have to do...

Mahalo!

Ghetto-style knitting implements, holiday junkets, and carnal desires.

Who knew Nasacort caps could be so functional?

You know that think about necessity being the mother of invention? That's wrong. Poverty is. And here's my proof--I created these functional little point protectors from the caps on the countless bottles of Nasacort I've been snorting all fucking summer. With a small wad of Fun-tak (represented by the little white ball in the photo) to keep everything in place, I've created cheap and environmentally-friendly knitting gadgets, although they probably have some of my DNA from snot residue, but I like to think it's just me, The Artiste, putting a bit of myself into my work.

This one was made from the prong protector thingy of my new scanner.

"I wants me some of that."

So here's the deal. I'm still trying to escape from Omaha, but it seems that I can only get as far as Denver, for the time being. Yes, I realize that it takes me even further away from Montreal than I already am, but I'm only going there so I can do the groupie thing around Taylor, and perhaps convince him to run off with me to Lachine, where we will live happily ever after. Wish me luck.

More when I return, which hopefully will be Wednesday evening, but most likely will drag into Thursday morning, because air travel is laid out like that, these days...

...It's Bob!

She mixes and pours martinis without using her hands. Or feet.

I think she should make an appearance at Minnie and Mark's reception. And guess what? Ms. Violet of Lime & Violet fame knows her personally. And so does Mr. Violet. How cool is that??

Well hey...I think it's damn cool. And if you know what's good for you, you will too!

What will they think of next?!

Or "How To Smuggle A Beverage Onto A Commercial Flight
Then Avoid Those Pesky Lineups At The Loo."

I actually finished something.

...And here it is. I used the pattern from Spun Magazine. The author is Kate Atherley, and the yarn is Brown Sheep Wildfoote in the colorway Rock 'n Roll. Believe it or not, I'm 2/3rds of the way finished with the left foot, which isn't really like me, but perhaps I'll soon put it down so I can start something else for purposes of further procrastination.

Actually, I was 'Doped-Up' Kid.

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

More inaccurate quizzes.

Their first mistake is not including Ebonics...

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

15% Dixie

10% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

5% Yankee

Do You Even Speak American English?

What ringtone suits your personality?

Godfather theme

'What ringtone suits your personality?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Why do I bother?

That thing...

The other evening chez String of Purls, at the weekly Stitch 'n Bitch, I mentioned a few things that I promised I would post so that people could like, you know--check them out.

Sadly, I forget what most of them were. But this one, I actually remember:

Knitting for Boozehags

Enjoy it. I know I do. I'll post again when the wizard gives me a brain. Or something.

Stank.

Stankety-stank-stank. That's what my world is submerged in, right about now. Stank. The temp is stank, the humidity is stank, and the dew point is especially stank. All this stankiness has caused me to--that's right, you guessed it...stank. And when I stank, my knitting gets stank. Everything I'm working on these days smells as if it has its very own sebaceous glands, and those bad boys are completely in overdrive. I'm not sure which is greater--the amount of Febreeze I'm using, or the amount of sweat I'm generating. Suffice it to say, I'm having one helluva time trying to stay on top of this whole Anti-Stank Movement. Did I mention that I've developed yet another allergy to my latest excuse-for-deodorant? It's damn near 40C out-effing-doors, and I manage to get this bad-looking rash on my armpits. Like it's not hot enough on it's own, this thing has the nerve to burn, as well. (Great! More heat!! Bring it on!!!)
Basta. I'm through whining (for now). So that I don't get tossed from any webrings, here's a photo of my latest (albeit, stank) creation. It's a baby bib using Michelle Kissoore's pattern from Spun Magazine. I whipped up this creation with Bertagna Filati's 'Gaudi' ( à propos--doncha think?) in Color No. 70. It's slubby and plied, which should make trying to launder out baby puke a real delight (but hey, I have flaming armpits and killer stench to concern myself with right now...the rest is somebody else's problem).

My efforts with Gable-in-Iced-Orchid continue, as well as several swatches/dishcloths, and a shitload of tanks/camisoles--you know, the usual. I'll post pictures when I'm feeling it, but right now, all I feel is...

Stank. So be nice (or I'll be forced to spray you. And don't think I won't do it, because I definitely will). You've been warned!!

What's Wrong With This Picture?

The really sad part is, this kitchen is still cleaner than mine.

No news, or anything. Just thought I'd add this for the hell of it. Feel free to comment.

Alpaca love (the fun continues...)

Yet Another Obscenely Cute Graphic

It's laid out like this. And it's just in time for all those sheep and wool festivals in the fall, y'all!

(If I can't be entertaining, I can at least do informative).

One.

Time to Hype, Y'all...

Dude, Where's the Violet?

One of the benefits of being stranded here in the obscenely humid Blast Furnace of the Great Plains is getting hip to some of the truly creative and fun knit action out there (although sadly, many of these people come from someplace else, but hey--I won't go there right now...)

But anyway, these two sock-happy knitteristas are simply oozing with infomation, wit, and like any midwesterner worth her salt, are mighty adept at spinning a good yarn! (Sorry about that--I couldn't help it. But you feel me, I'm sure).

So click on the pretty button up there, and check 'em out. They're fun. Truly. Would I lie?! (Well, this time, I'm on the real. Trust me).

Okay, thanks.

The Obligatory Blog Quiz Results.

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

As an ENFP, you are Extroverted, iNtuitive, Feeling , Perceiving.
This makes your primary focus on Extroverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling.

This is defined as a NF personality, which is part of Carl Jung's Idealist (Identity Seeking) type, and more specifically the Champions or Inspirer.

As a weblogger, you may not be consistent in posts. (Gee, ya think?) Although, if you find a specific focus on their journal or a very flexible manner of writing, it may be more fulfilling. Because you are warm (!) and see so many possibilities in life, you may inspire others to follow in your footsteps with a journal. (Or you'll just make everyone nuts trying to figure out wtf you're all about...)

Ain't they cute?

"Fun Buns"

...Mother found them abandoned near the mailbox. In fact, she didn't know what they were, and asked me to identify them (she feared they were some kind of gopher intent on destroying her well-manicured lawn--shades of Caddyshack, indeed!) Since the weather last week was especially horrid (i.e. hotter than hell and twice as humid) I checked in on them when I went to get the mail Thursday last--only to discover that there was only one bun(-ny) left. He hopped out onto the grass, and nearly into the street! But I attempted to guide his hopping so that he'd land in the big bag of timothy hay I brought out for them to snack on (since there was no hide nor hare (ha!) of a Mama Bunny around. So I guided him into a little box with lots of hay, and we headed off to the humane society (because Miss Pearl and wild bunnies aren't a good mix).

Since this global warming thing you know, heated up, the yard is basically some kind of homeland for wild rabbits--and they're all over the place. Actually, I prefer them to opossums--they're kind of homely, and also like most everyone here, rather overweight.

Okay, bye.

A Little Passive-Aggressive Fun 'n Games

This photo was taken while Mother was totally out of it, during a recent nap. The enormous furry blue-green lumpy heart-shaped pillow was plopped in her lap, and she didn't even flinch! In fact, if nobody ever mentions it to her, she'll be none the wiser.

You know, there's something deliciously evil about knowing that anyone in the world with time to waste and a decent connection can see this...

N.B.: The pillow was eventually given to our dear friend Fredericka, who is well into her 90s, and appreciates the sentiment behind the gift, if not it's lumpy, furry splendor. She (unlike Yours Truly), has a very kind heart to go with her new pillow.

Gable in Iced Orchid

This is my version of the pattern 'Green Gable.' As you can see, it's in no way green. Instead, I chose a lovely shade of pink (No. 1086) in KFI's King Tut (I liked the sheen). Sadly, the pattern stopped just short of meeting the needs of my 'full-figured boobs,' so I was forced to do a bit of math to enlarge it accordingly. Hopefully my alterations will allow for a tasteful adaptation to my massive melons(?) while diminishing the prominence of my gut. If not, I'll just suck in a lot while wearing it.

It's my goal to finish this thing before the end of this year. Wish me luck.

The Story of "Armando's" Anal-Retentive Bike Tour & Hygiene Festival

So...Thursday evening rolls around, just like it does every week, and I decide to go to String of Purls for a little SnB. And on this particular occasion, I decide to park myself near This Lady (whom I promised not to name because I'm about to repeat this tripped-out story about her husband, and this thing he did during a recent cycling trip in Colorado...)

It's laid out like this:

This totally would have simplified things
more than we'll ever know.

Her husband, whom I will refer to as 'Armando' (because I like that name) was on this crazy long, intensive cycling trip and had pedalled his way to Telluride, where there was nary a laudromat to be found. The nearest town with such facilities was 50 miles away, and a very mountainous 50 miles, at that. So he got the idea to shower with his clothes on, so he could get a two-fer (you know, scrub himself down, as well as his gear).

I found this to be uproariously funny, yet anal-retentive as all get out.

So that's why I'm posting it here. I told The Lady I was going to out her husband and his goofy little story here on my blog, but that was like three weeks ago...(hey, I been real busy). Just so I don't come across as a complete liar, I'm posting it late. Actually, the real reason I'm posting it so late, is because I've been depressed as hell, which is what happens whenever I get trapped in the reddest of the red states on earth (that would be here, for those of you who aren't already hip).

Okay, well, it's past my suppertime, so I gots ta go now....

One,
- D.

P.S. If you want real names and identities, I'm open to bribery. Especially if it involves yarn...try me!

Meanwhile...

In an effort to cheer myself up, here's a photo of Eva Longoria, sans maquillage:
There now. Don't you feel better? I know I do.

Holla!